Erin Ronder Neves: Transforming Postpartum Challenges into a Haven for Maternal Empowerment at Beyond Birthing

We are thrilled for you to meet our newest guest, Erin Ronder Neves, who is not only the Owner and Founder of Beyond Birthing Village, but also a Birth & Postpartum Doula, Certified Childbirth Educator a Spinning Babies® Parent Educator and a Certified Lactation Counselor

After facing the emotional hurdles of postpartum depression and anxiety, Erin Ronder Neves transformed her journey into a mission to uplift and empower other mothers. Her story unfolds from her days in theater and special education to founding Beyond Birthing, a haven for prenatal and postpartum wellness in Beverly, Massachusetts. Erin's firsthand experiences shed light on the transformative power of comprehensive support systems, including therapy and doulas, which paved her way to recovery and inspired her to create a nurturing community for women on the North Shore.

Join us as Erin delves into the heart of birth work, sharing the vital role emotional and practical support plays in maternal health. She reveals how visualization techniques and medication became her anchors during overwhelming postpartum moments. As Erin transitions from a postpartum to a birth doula, she emphasizes the healing power of vulnerability and the significance of witnessing a friend's birth, which fortified her commitment to supporting others. These insights highlight the unique and deeply personal journey of maternal care, urging us all to embrace our paths with courage and connection.

Beyond Birthing isn't just about parents surviving the postpartum period; it's about thriving. Erin illustrates how the center extends support beyond childbirth, focusing on the mental and emotional well-being of parents. With innovative events like "Bros, Babies, and Beef" and support groups for working moms, the center responds to the growing need for parental resources. By fostering a strong network of skilled providers and specialists, Erin's vision is clear: to create a supportive community where parents can prioritize their well-being while knowing they're not alone in this journey.

Music Credit

⁠https://uppbeat.io/t/ra/sunny⁠

⁠https://uppbeat.io/t/andrey-rossi/seize-the-day⁠

⁠https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/no-sugar-please⁠

Chapters

• 0:15 Embracing Maternal Health and Wellness
• 11:25 Empowering Birth Support and Education
• 20:54 Building a Supportive Parenting Community
• 29:39 Creating a Supportive Parenting Community
• 39:53 Connecting Through Maternal Support

Transcript

Stephanie Theriault: 0:15

Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space for all things related to maternal health, pregnancy and beyond. I'm your host, stephanie Theriault. I am a labor and delivery nurse and a mother to three beautiful boys. Each week, we dive into inspiring stories and expert insights to remind us of the power that you hold in childbirth and motherhood. We're here to explore the joys, the challenges and the complexities of maternal health. Every mother's journey is unique and every story deserves to be told. Please note that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider for medical guidance that is tailored to your specific needs. Are you ready? Let's get into it. Today, we welcome Erin Ronder Neves, owner and founder of Beyond Birthing.

Stephanie Theriault: 1:23

Located in Beverly, Massachusetts, beyond Birthing is a unique all-in-one prenatal and postpartum wellness center that offers access to full-service prenatal care and support. At Beyond Birthing, you can find childbirth and infant care education, specialty workshops that include pelvic floor therapy, prenatal fitness, functional medicine and acupuncture. In addition, they provide chiropractic care, massage therapy, birth and postpartum doula services, lactation consultants and mental health clinicians who specialize in perinatal care. There's also family nutrition services and much, much more. In addition to operating and running Beyond Birthing, erin is also a birth doula, empowering women and birthing people as they bring their children into the world. Did I mention that Erin is a mother? She has two children at home and certainly has her hands full. But that's what we women do. We manage it all and, with the creation of Beyond Birthing, women on the North Shore of Massachusetts can manage it all together. I'm pleased to welcome Erin to the show. Welcome Erin.

Erin Ronder Neves: 2:33

Thank you so much, stephanie, for having me. Hello everybody.

Stephanie Theriault: 2:36

Thank you so much for being here. I'm super excited to hear more about you and about Beyond Birthing and how it is making a difference for everyone here on the North Shore of Massachusetts.

Erin Ronder Neves: 2:45

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's definitely a dream come true. It's something I've wanted for a long time, and the opportunity presented itself about a year ago, and I jumped with two feet.

Stephanie Theriault: 2:57

Before we get into the creation of Beyond Birthing. I would love for our listeners to learn more about you before you got into this journey of maternal health and wellness.

Erin Ronder Neves: 3:06

Yes, absolutely so. My background is actually in performance and theater and special education. That is what I went to school for, for undergrad and graduate school. And then maternal health didn't really come into my view until, of course, I was pregnant. And when I was pregnant with my first daughter, evelyn, my husband and I were living alone in New York city and we, our families, were up here in Massachusetts. And when we got to around the six month mark, we were like I don't know if we should do this alone. And so we hired our birth doula, who helped us incredibly and it's so funny because at first my husband's like what's a birth doula? What does this person do? And literally after Evelyn was born, he was like, should we name her Sylvie, which was our birth doula's name, just to show, like, how much of an impact she made on our family and also how much of an impact she also made on him as well? And so we had a birth doula for our first birth as well. And so we had a birth doula for our first birth.

Erin Ronder Neves: 4:08

It did not go as planned, as most births don't. As a result of that, I unexpectedly came down with postpartum depression and anxiety, and that hit me around the four month mark, which again even goes to show you and I'm sure you know this too that you know that six week checkup means nothing. It's, it's, it's. It's weird that it's even a baseline for anything. That okay, nope, you're totally okay. Or quote the baby blues only last two weeks, like there's no one size fits all in birth or postpartum or parenting or just being humans at all.

Erin Ronder Neves: 4:37

So, and my husband had to go back to work a week after my unplanned cesarean, because that's what his paternity leave was at that point. And you know I had a couple complications from my cesarean, because that's what his paternity leave was at that point. And you know I had a couple complications from my cesarean and I was so mad at him for returning to work and he's like, but I have to in order to pay for the health insurance you need. And, and it made complete sense, you know absolutely. But it just goes to show you that that was my first introduction to saying like, wait, why the hell am I supposed to do this alone? Why am I expected to do this alone? Why is my husband expected to do this alone? Do you know what I mean? Like, and also I'm not supposed to know what I'm doing.

Erin Ronder Neves: 5:15

And so I'd already had a therapist, because therapy has always been a part of my mental health and I love it. And so I knew that that one day when I woke up and I literally woke up and I looked up and the ceiling was black I just remember it being black and I was like okay, got to call Catherine. And so I called Catherine and asked her like a you know, like a acute check-in, and you know she, she immediately knew what to do and she helped me. What was right for me at that time was to go on medication and I went on medication. I also my parents then bought me hours with a postpartum doula, which I didn't know existed right until the time. And so I got a postpartum doula. I had my mental health support and I also had medication on board to help me, and it took about four months for me to kind of restabilize. But around that eight month mark I started feeling a lot better and that postpartum doula was crucial and how I was those right after, on that four or fifth month mark Also, I learned that postpartum doulas can go with you to medical appointments.

Erin Ronder Neves: 6:21

Because I technically couldn't drive still, I technically couldn't lift my baby because of all my postpartum complications with my cesarean, and so she came with me and, like, held the baby. So while I got an internal, I didn't have to listen to my baby cry in a car seat and, you know, I knew that Evelyn was being taken care of right. She helped me with nursing, she set me up with a lactation consultant that helped me understand how to make this sustainable for me and for my baby, versus just, you know, making sure I was breastfeeding, regardless of what my nipples looked like and um. So that postpartum experience really opened my eyes to what if I didn't know where to go for support, what if I didn't have a husband who also was making sure that I was doing okay and that was financially also making sure that everything was paid for right. Because I was still on maternity leave and you know, what I was doing in New York City is I was a teaching artist and an actor and I wasn't going anywhere, being in the state I was in, let alone commuting all around New York City into New York City public schools and helping them figure out how to put on productions with people who are neurodiverse, and because I was at that moment just not in a place to be doing anything other than taking care of myself and my baby. And so, you know, it really opened up my eyes that we need this support network. We need resources that are comforting, that put the mother first, that the parents matter.

Erin Ronder Neves: 7:47

Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are the number one complication of pregnancy. One in five birthing people will experience it. One in 10 partners. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. And so my world blew open with how much support a new parent needs when they have their baby.

Erin Ronder Neves: 8:04

And then we moved up to Boston in between our first and our second babies, because we wanted to. You know, we want to be closer to parents. Especially after what I had with my first postpartum period, I knew that I wanted to be closer so that I could have some more support, et cetera. And then, when we moved up to Boston, we ended up having a miscarriage, and again, that's another part of the world that no one talks about. No one talks about that. How you know, it was not as easy for us to get pregnant the second time, and no one talks about secondary infertility. No one, then, talks about miscarriage and what this means.

Erin Ronder Neves: 8:38

And then when I got pregnant after some time I got pregnant with my daughter, rosalie, and at that point I was like that's it, we are stacking ourselves with support. Like I knew what we needed. Like I got a birth doula right from the start because I knew that I wanted to try for a VBAC, which is a vaginal birth after cesarean. I also knew got a postpartum doula before I gave birth, cause I was like I know this is what I'm going to need. I had my therapist. My therapist was still in New York so she was treating me, but I also now needed to transfer my care to a Massachusetts therapist to make sure that I was going to be okay, because I knew that it was a personal choice to not take medication in pregnancy and, looking back, do I think that was the best choice? No, but I knew that as soon as Rosalie came out, I would start my medication again. That's the plan that I wanted to do, and so I needed to make sure I had a therapist as well as a prescriber who was going to help me with that, because I knew I just didn't want my primary care or my obstetrician or midwife prescribing me that medication because of my history. So I knew I had that.

Erin Ronder Neves: 9:40

Then I also knew I had a lactation consultant set up ready to go, because the first time I was nursing with Evelyn, I remember literally being like this is so painful and just thinking it was normal, and my birth doula was like no, no, no, no, it's not supposed to be painful. I'm like why does nobody tell you that shit? So I just stacked myself with support, which is why I think I had such a better time with Rosalie postpartum. But that's not to say that I was then hit with something called postpartum OCD, which is intrusive thoughts and really scary, scary stuff. And then that hit me maybe, I think, day like five after she was born and, like I said, I already had all my supports in place.

Erin Ronder Neves: 10:21

So I called my therapist and was like this is what I'm thinking Like. One, does my baby need to be taken away from me for her safety? Two, do I need to be taken away from my family for my safety? And these are legit questions that I ask and really scary questions for a new mom, like for a new mom to a new baby, right, because every baby is different. I was a new mom at that. Mom to a new baby right, because every baby is different. I was a new mom at that point. For to a second baby, like? They're really scary questions to even think about asking. Because, like what if the answer is yes, and how? Would I be okay with that? But I knew that I had to think about that and I think that, knowing that I had a safe place to go to, that there was no judgment, they knew who I was, they knew where to go, where to help me go, so that I could get the support I needed, so that it just the no judgment is what then made me feel safe enough to say these are my true thoughts. And then I was able to get the support I needed to overcome the OCD and for me it just happened to be again.

Erin Ronder Neves: 11:25

It looks different for everybody, but for me it literally had to do with. I upped my medication and I learned this amazing technique about having kind of feelings and thoughts wash over you and through you, versus like pushing them away and pretending they don't exist. I like that, right, it's very much like, and like the visual I have is imagine like you're taking a shower, right, you're taking a shower and you let the water just pass over you and through you and it's there's dirt on you, there's thoughts on you, there's soap on you, but it's washing it away. But it has to go over your body to get through you, to pass over you and then down the drain, whereas if you're literally in a shower and just taking the water and splashing it back in your face, all you're doing is just putting all the grime back up in your face and not helping in making it bigger, making a bigger problem and making a bigger mess. So that visual to me is what clicked in my mind and literally as soon as I started accepting the thoughts and just letting them kind of wash over me, they went away. That's not to say they didn't creep up all the time. I knew how to process them and not get scared of them. And again, that's all because of I had a support system.

Erin Ronder Neves: 12:32

There were some pretty scary times in this entire postpartum journey that like I don't know if I'd be here if I didn't know where to go for support, and I just want to be that for people and that's kind of where the birth of Beyond Birthing I didn't even mean to say that, but like the birth of Beyond Birthing came from. It's just, if people don't know what kind of help they need, I just want them to know that there's a place to go and they can walk in that door. Our door says come as you are, and I don't have all the answers, but I'm going to go with them to help find the answers and I'm going to hold them and I'm going to help them and support them and let them know they're not alone and also they're not supposed to know how the hell to do this and it's okay to not be. Okay, we've got you and so that's kind of. I know I jumped ahead a little bit beyond birthing, but that's why, after Rosalie was born my second I had a really candid conversation with my husband, adam, who is literally one of my biggest champions, and the whole reason I was able to even go into doula work was because of my husband and his support, because I first started as a postpartum doula, because that's just was a natural fit for me and I've always been very open and vulnerable and I'm very much an open book with kind of sharing my story, because I truly believe I'm the majority in that I struggled and I don't fit into an Instagram TikTok box, nor do I ever want to, because I think that that was detrimental to my mental health.

Erin Ronder Neves: 13:59

Not everybody's again. Everyone has their own journey and I'm so supportive of anyone who finds their journey in the support system that they need. But that wasn't for me personally, and so I started with postpartum, just kind of sharing my story and starting to work with families, and then I became a birth doula. And I became a birth doula because my best friend, carrie, was amazing and our first two kids we had like six weeks apart from each other, just unexpectedly. That's just how it happened and she called me and she's like I'm pregnant with my third and I go, you can have that one for both of us. And then she invited me to be her birth doula and that's how I started.

Erin Ronder Neves: 14:36

So I started it by bringing this amazing child whom I adore into this world with my best friend, and it came very easily to me. You know, the whole process didn't make me queasy. I just felt very comfortable in a hospital setting. My sister is someone who has some chronic disabilities and so being in a hospital setting and advocating for her has been a part of my life. She's older than me, that wasn't a hard sell on me, I was pretty easy in a hospital and comfortable in a hospital setting. But I think the biggest thing that that birth gave me and I tell my friend Carrie this all the time and I get teared up thinking about it, because the way that her daughter, gabby's birth went is exactly the way I would have wanted one of my births to go but I unfortunately had I didn't, unfortunately.

Erin Ronder Neves: 15:27

I'm very grateful the fact that I had two plants, two unplanned cesareans, because those cesareans saved my life and my kid's life. So I am very, very grateful for having a cesarean. But again, when you pregnant, you're like oh, my hopes, dreams, wishes, right it. You're like oh, my hopes, dreams, wishes, right. And the way that Carrie went through her labor with Gabby is exactly how I wanted one of my labors to go. So it was actually an extremely cathartic experience for me that I didn't even know was going to be cathartic. Does that make sense? I was going in there solely to be. It was not about me at all, like as most as a doula, it's never about you, nor should it ever be. And once I held Gabby in my arms I remember being like holy shit, like that was absolutely beautiful and so, and I didn't realize the impact it would have on healing my soul of my own birth stories and how much it opened me up to being that. Okay, this is something I need to pursue, and so then I became a birth doula.

Stephanie Theriault: 16:46

I love the story you just shared because not only our own births are healing, but witnessing other people's birth is also healing, absolutely.

Erin Ronder Neves: 16:50

It absolutely is healing. But the thing that's the most healing especially now that I've become definitely more you know, I've not been a birth doula for about nine years. I've been at over 300 births and all around the greater Boston area the most healing thing for me, actually, when I go to births now, is seeing the birthing person and the partner feel empowered to ask questions. That's what's the coolest thing for me, so that they then understand actually how much power they have in the room. Because, again, we don't know what we don't know, nor should we think that we should know what we don't know. And so many times providers or even throughout the process, like what questions you have? And people are like I don't know because I've never done this before, so what questions should I be asking? Right, and so that's why, like the classes that we teach here, as well as me as a birth doula, one of my biggest things that I do with my clients is I talk about what do you need to know to feel good about this choice. What do you need to know so that you feel empowered?

Erin Ronder Neves: 17:49

Because, listen, you can't make a plan of how birth can go. That's the one thing we can guarantee about birth that it's unpredictable. But we can make preferences right. We can make preference of like listen. If we are going down the street and all of a sudden we come to a fork in the road, I want to know my options instead of just saying I need to do one way. And if you know your options and then decide the way that the doctor is suggesting you, then you just come from a different point of view. You come from a place of empowerment versus just of like acquiescing and I'm not saying acquiescing in the way that the provider is ever trying to do harm. I actually don't believe that at all. It's more just understanding the whole scope of the situation, or the whole broadside view of the situation. Of course, if time allows, if it's an emergency. That's why you know, thank goodness for being in a hospital and dealing with providers, but at least then could give you a moment of just. That entry point is just a little bit different.

Stephanie Theriault: 18:42

We paused this episode for a quick message from our sponsor. At Maternal Wealth, we aim to ensure that you have access to the best and the most appropriate care. That's why we created a maternal healthcare provider database. Maternal health providers can easily create profiles to promote their services and business, helping to increase access for those seeking their care. This is a one-of-a-kind database that offers a new and exciting way for women to search for and find maternal health providers near them and tailored to their specific needs. Profiles feature badges that highlight various services, such as TODAC-friendly practices, all-female practices, LGBTQAI plus inclusivity, language options, access to vaginal breach services and, more Additionally, be sure to check out our Not your Average Birth course. In this course, I discuss the variations that exist in hospital practices based on policies, staffing and budgets, all of which can directly affect your birth experience and outcome when you walk into Beyond Birthing?

Erin Ronder Neves: 20:06

what do you see? What are you going to experience? Yeah, thank you for asking that question. What you're going to experience is you're going to experience a living room. You're going to walk into someone's home. It is aesthetically designed, like we actually call our big space the living room, because it's supposed to be warm, it's supposed to be inviting. It doesn't look like a clinician's office, right, it looks like a living room. We've got a table and chairs and a kitchenette and we've got couches and we've got chairs like cushy chairs and pillows that you can give yourself sensory input on. I've got breastfeeding pillows in every single cushion of the couch. I've got postpartum supplies you may need in every step of the journey. I've got stuff in the bathroom so that the mom can like take five seconds and like wipe her armpits and put on deodorant. Do you know what I?

Erin Ronder Neves: 20:48

mean Brush your teeth, come, spray your face like, wash your face, like, take a moment for yourself. It's this beyond birthing is set up for parents. It is set up for parents because parents are often forgotten. We are always focused on the baby and the baby is so important. Oh my God, don't get me wrong. The baby is extremely critical. But, just like we learn on an airplane, you put your own oxygen mask on first before helping your child, which actually, as a mother, like goes completely against my instinct. Do you know what I mean? I'm like nope, got to save the kid first. And it's like well, wait a minute, I can't save the kid if they don't have me. So that's kind of the reframing of the. It's just reframing the relationship. And so when they come into beyond birthing, they're going to be welcomed with a hug, or they're going to be welcomed with women just sitting around and just talking about their experiences in very real ways and in any state they're in. We have so many amazing providers here too that are oftentimes just walking through the space, because they're either going to see clients, or we're just saying hey, or we're connecting or collaborating on somebody, or we're making that connection so that they're getting the best help they need, and it's just a welcome, it's a smile, it's a hey, how are you? And the best thing is is what do you need today? That's what they're going to be about. They're going to be about the question of what do you need today? How are you? And it's so funny because whenever I asked that question, everyone's like well, the baby's good, you know the baby's gaining, the babies, you know really doing well. And I'm like awesome. But I asked how are you doing? Because no one knows how to answer that question anymore. And so that's been.

Erin Ronder Neves: 22:23

That's been really interesting, cause I just had a mom in here yesterday and I was like how are you doing? She goes well, you know the baby, we've had some problems with feeding. And I go I'm S, it sounds so good that you're on track with that Sounds. I'm so glad you're seeing Dr Courtney and you're here with me now we're going to flange fit you all of these things. But then I was like but then, what about you girl? And she was like it's been hard and I go, tell me more, tell me more. And then I actually asked if I could hold the baby, because it's so nice to talk about yourself while not holding your baby.

Erin Ronder Neves: 22:53

And so I'm holding this amazing cute potato that is like delicious in every way and having a good time and totally chilling, while mom is finally given some space to be like, oh yeah, let me check in on what's going on inside of me, and that's what we're here to do. We're here to help hold babies. If you need it. We're here to help you take a minute to yourself. When you come to our nurture and nourish support groups like they are full on lactation support we have a lactation specialist every single time that the group happens so that you can come in for lactation support. So it's no more like, oh wait, I can only go to this lactation group on this day. Oh, and if I miss it that day, I have to wait another week. Nope, not here. You just walk in any day and we're here Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, 1030 to 12. But then, in addition to that, we also have perinatal professionals. Come in and just introduce the resources that are in this community to help the parents take better care of themselves and also bring peace of mind to them and what they're doing with their child or children right.

Erin Ronder Neves: 23:52

And these support groups are for first-time parents, fourth-time parents, like any bit, and I think it's really just taking the space to be like okay, well, what do I need? Where can I talk about things, and in a safe place. And again, we're not. And a lot of it is peer led, which is fantastic because research shows it's one of the best ways we can support each other is through peers. Right, you know, we're not here to just only hear one voice in the space.

Erin Ronder Neves: 24:17

I don't think that that's helpful in any part of anyone's life, even in the perinatal process. Like, if I'm someone's doula, I encourage them to take childbirth ed classes with someone other than me, or they take them with me, but then please also talk to this other person because I don't want my voice to be the only voice they hear. I don't think that that's again, I don't know everything you know, and so it's important for people to know the resources out there and just coming and sitting and being and realizing that also the we have these different perinatal professionals come in as well as also our providers who are in the space, like I had one mom come in a few months ago and she was just, she was having a hard time. She comes in. She's Kira, one of our lactation consultants, was here and she was helping with the group. She helped her with lactation.

Erin Ronder Neves: 25:02

Then I was like why don't I hold the baby and you go talk to Sam Watson, who is our clinical social worker who focuses on perinatal mental health. So she went in there for 10 minutes while I held baby and then she went over and made an appointment with Dr Courtney because there there's some tension in the baby. But also I was like, okay, great, the baby's getting adjusted. But what about you? She goes, oh right, and I go exactly, your body also matters. So this woman came in feeling pretty desperate and she left with a community as well as three providers on her team and a doula me, like you know, cause I I'm not, I'm not hired by people in our community to be their doula like who come for postpartum. I call myself pretty much like the doula of the space, because that's what I am, I'm a connector, right. So I you know, and she's now got a doula me in her corner and her sport team quarterbacking the team but keeping her in the driver's seat.

Stephanie Theriault: 25:53

When I went to visit you a couple months back and I was sitting there in the lactation class and I'm watching everyone there was moms there, partners are there, and all I could think was I wish I had this. The community just being around other people who are going through what you're going through and having that support that you talk about is fundamental. It's that village that everyone says that we need but that doesn't exist and that's what you're creating. So it's amazing. I love it.

Erin Ronder Neves: 26:23

Thank you so much and like, and, and the thing is like I couldn't have done this without my village too, and I think you know, as birth workers and kind of in this field, a lot of us work in silos, and kind of coming together under one roof is what makes it so special Dr Courtney Neal, who runs Foundations Family Chiropractic. I approached her two years ago and I was like hi, how are you? I'm Erin, I really like you, I want to like work with you, I want to partner with you to create this center, because this is what I have as a vision and I want providers to be a part of it, and I want you to be the first provider that is a part of this. And she's like I'm sorry, who are you? Again, and I go right, right, so let's roll, roll that, roll the tape back. And so then you know she was looking to move location. So she found this space and then the space next door would be coming available. So she found this space. She's relocated Foundations Family Chiropractic to here and then was like well, erin, hey, this space just opened up. What about doing what you said here? And then that's how this created. So Dr Courtney andI really worked together to collaborate on the space and to get the space to finance the space.

Erin Ronder Neves: 27:35

And you know, we made it come to life and I think that the fact that we're all under one roof is what makes it so special and, as I was talking to someone this morning, it's the secret sauce, right, it's the secret sauce that we are all here together and I think that you know there's such value. We all up our own personal value in what we do and what we do as our specialty, by collaborating and being part of just this community. And that's what it is. It's just a community, and I think that so many people have been wanting to have been walking through the door now, like professionals that are just wanted to be associated, that want to be, um, you know, come in and talk to our new mom, like our excuse me, our nurture and nourish, like lactation and postpartum support group. Yes, please, I am here to help raise other people up, because I'm only as strong as the woman next to me and I'm only here because of the woman's shoulders that I stood upon, and that is what we need to do for each other. We need to do it for each other and all of our practices are very partner inclusive, which I think is very unique.

Erin Ronder Neves: 28:39

Because you know, I think, what I went through with my husband when we had Evelyn, our first no one talked about how postpartum really affected the marriage dynamic or how it felt for the husband to have to go back to work and like feel like they're abandoning their kid and their wife you know what I mean. And and then me having such rage at my husband because I was like you are abandoning me and he's like what is happening, you know, and then us going through this hard time, like it's partners matter too and like, even as a birth doula, I'm so partner inclusive in what I do. It's I'm there to absolutely make sure that birthing person stays in the driver's seat, but I'm also there absolutely make sure that birthing person stays in the driver's seat, but I'm also there to make sure the partner's okay. Everything that we do here, all of our groups are very much are always including that partner and we now have, like we have a bros, babies and beef dad connection group that happens on Saturdays, where we have Nick's roast beef kind of bring in sandwiches, because you know, I got to get them in the door somehow. No, I appreciate it. We've had such a loyal following. They've been so great.

Erin Ronder Neves: 29:39

And literally two of our issues I call them my OG moms here just came up with. We just brainstormed the other day we're going to have a bros, babies and beef paternity leave edition on Monday afternoon, starting in a couple of weeks, because now so many partners are taking paternity leave and they're like Whoa, what do I do? And I'm like I got you, so like that's something else that we're doing. We're really responding to what the community is asking for as well, because I'm new here. I'm not trying to make the community fit into my box, I'm trying to make this fit into the community.

Erin Ronder Neves: 30:12

So, you know, anytime someone has something on their minds like I had one mom say say, like I want to talk about pumping and going back to work, I've got no idea. And I was like done, and we set up something the next week, you know. And now we have a working mom support group, also starting with these two OGs who are just like I, you know, like I just really I'm going to miss this, but I'm going back to work. So what can we do? And I was go here. We go Like we'll set this up and we're starting like a working mom support group on Fridays, you know, because a lot of people who are going back to work either can work from home on Friday so they have a little bit more of a flexible schedule, or they're they have Fridays off.

Erin Ronder Neves: 30:47

We're here to really respond to what the community needs, and all of the providers have also been wonderful at collaborating and saying. This is what my client said to me what do you think of this? And I'm like amazing. And we've also collaborated on patient care and I'm just trying to make it easier for parents to take care of their own mental health and physical wellness as well, and a lot of that gives us peace of mind when we're taking care of our baby too. So, you know, I've got my clinicians all around me who are just.

Erin Ronder Neves: 31:16

I feel like I hit the jackpot. I am honored and beyond privileged to be working alongside them. They provide that amazing clinical support and body work that people and these babies need, and then I'm there for a lot of the emotional support. And then, of course, if it's outside of my scope, sam is right there to just be like all right, let's do this, we got this and we're just constantly figuring out ways to just make it better.

Erin Ronder Neves: 31:45

Because, again, but they're my village and I didn't know I needed them until I opened this place and I was like, oh my God, it's so nice to see other people every day and I couldn't do this without them. So I'm hoping to also like lead by example. Does that make sense? Because we're not supposed to do this alone. We're not supposed to do this alone, we're not supposed to know how to do all of this, and I think that that's what makes it special. And the women that I work with here Courtney Neal, shivani Patel, kira Kim, sarah Gregory, danielle Chaitan, joanne Sheridan, sam Watson, dana Allen I am flabbergasted that I get to put my name alongside these women.

Stephanie Theriault: 32:33

For someone who's listening to the episode and they are a doula or maternal health enthusiast and they love this idea. What advice would you have for them for starting up a project where they live like beyond birthing?

Erin Ronder Neves: 32:48

It's a great question and I'm currently reviewing that right now with some business advisors. I think the biggest thing is first, like, set your vision. Set your vision and and and find like-minded people. Find other people, cause, listen, I'm not. I could not have done this alone and nor should I have done this alone, right. And so I found Courtney. I found her and I made her like me, right? No, we've been working together for a lot of years, but I was just like I think I'm someone you want to jump in with. And she was like, really, and I go, no, I really am. And I was just like I think I'm someone you want to jump in with, and she was like, really, and I go, no, I really am. So find people who support you. Also, when you do something like this, make sure your own personal support team is okay, like I made sure, like I had, like I still have my therapist that I talked to. I made sure my partner was on board. I made sure my kids understood what was going on.

Erin Ronder Neves: 33:48

I think that's the get your foundation first and then figure out where to go next. And, like I, I am still learning and there's been so many times where I am. I've put the cart before the horse and I'm continuing learning on this journey Because, listen, I am a new business owner. We're only seven months old, so you know, I always say like we've just started solids. You know, thinking about me in terms of a baby. You know, I'm still learning head control. I've just learned to roll both ways.

Erin Ronder Neves: 34:07

Crawling is potentially on the precipice, but I'm still just slugging around like a snake, you know. So, like it's, I'm very happy to talk to anybody too, and invite anybody into the space. Find your like-minded people, because I think that's that's what's keeping me going, cause, even though I know that I've got to make some, you know, again, we're all learning here as we go and there's got to be some changes to the business model, all of these different things I know I'm surrounded by people that are going to support me, no matter what, and that's what's so cool. So, find your people first, and then go from there.

Stephanie Theriault: 34:39

I can feel it in the air that a movement is happening right. Women are realizing like the status quo is not working for us anymore and it's people like you who are stepping up and creating a place, creating that village, creating the community where we can come together and support other women is like the first wave and it's just going to ripple out. Me personally, from a woman to a woman, from one mother to another mother. I want to thank you for doing what you do, because I know you're helping people and I know you're helping families and women are still here because of beyond birthing.

Erin Ronder Neves: 35:16

Oh well, stephanie, stop making me cry. But like it's, but like it's an honor and, in all honesty, I don't know where else I'd want to be. I don't know where else I'd want to be. I had no idea about this when I was a kid. Growing up, I was like I'm going to be a veterinarian or I'm going to be a deep sea diver at SeaWorld. You know what I mean. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I always said I wanted to go into theater and you know I had very supportive parents, so that's great. But like it's I, now that I'm here, like it just makes sense to me. It just makes sense to me.

Erin Ronder Neves: 35:53

I just am so here to let people know that they're not supposed to know what they're doing. And I think that's a big thing, cause a lot of people say, well, you know, people have been giving birth for eons and eons and you know, people have been breastfeeding for eons and eons. And I'm like, just because it's instinctual and natural doesn't mean there's not a learning curve. And you know, people always say, well, why do we need all of these extra things now, when back then we didn't. And I go because back then we had our villages. We were surrounded by our mothers and our grandmothers and our aunts and our cousins and our neighbors and our children and whomever else wanted to be a part, who actually helped take care of everything else in the house and the other children so that that mother could heal in her bed for 40 days with her newborn. There's so much more societal pressures now that are not setting up women, especially new parents or any type of parents, for success. Someone I just met with last week and I'm so excited we're going to be bringing them into this space. There are these two women who started a law firm and they did it because of how they were treated during medical events and they're like we need people to understand what paternity leave is, what maternity leave is, what their rights are, what they can ask for, because, again, people just don't know the questions that they need to ask and taking three months off might not be enough for everybody. It wasn't enough for me. I couldn't. There's no way I could have gone back at three months. If I had gone back at three months, shit would have hit the fan in a way that it hadn't already. Shit would have hit the fan in a way that it didn't know how to have it already.

Erin Ronder Neves: 37:28

It's just this one size fits all and knowing what questions you need to ask and how to personalize the experience, because that's what it's all about and kind of this individualized care is what happens, which is why it was so easy for me to kind of make the switch over to like birth doula from special education, because you know special education, if you have a student who is in need of services, they have something called an IEP, which is individualized education plan. Then in that IEP you have listed the successes of that child, the challenges of that child, who they need on that team to overcome those challenges. And then also you need to work with people who understand how to stay in their scope. And that's literally what a birth doula does.

Erin Ronder Neves: 38:01

First of all, I listen. What are the individual needs, wants, hopes, desires of this person? Then, what are they feeling really empowered and strong about? What do they feel like they need some more support on? Who can I bring in on that team? And then, how can I make sure that everyone's staying in their scope, including myself, right? So that we're not getting 5,000 different answers and confusing everybody, et cetera, et cetera. So that's what's really important and I think it's amazing to share that space and an honor to share that space.

Stephanie Theriault: 38:32

I'm kind of just taking it all in. It's really remarkable what you're doing and the positive change you're making for women in the communities.

Erin Ronder Neves: 38:40

Thank you for having me, thank you for giving me the space to share this, and I welcome anyone who's listening. Call me anytime. You know, I always say to the people who come to my classes, like if I don't see you again which I hope is not the reality but if I don't see you again and then I hear from you in six months, I'm still going to pick up that phone. I'm still going to pick up that phone. But if anyone is interested in getting involved, if anyone is interested in just coming to our groups, let us know. We have financial aid available. We have mass health benefits. We are FSA, hsa eligible. Most of our providers take insurances. We'll always help you to figure it out. Don't let money or finances ever stand in the way of you getting the support you deserve.

Erin Ronder Neves: 39:22

I love the name of your podcast Maternal Wealth right? It's, Maternal Wealth is not just money, right, it's so much more. So we're here to help fill in those gaps. We are easily accessible by the train. We're right by the North Beverly T-stop. If you need anything, if you need support, if you're concerned about needing support and you're not pregnant yet, reach out. We've got you. We've got you, and again, I and you're not pregnant yet, like reach out, we've got you, we've got you. And again, I don't have all the answers, but I'm going to go with you to help you find those answers.

Stephanie Theriault: 39:53

All of Beyond Birthing contact information. Website access will be located underneath the podcast episodes. You will be able to reach out to Erin at Beyond Birthing. Thank you so much, erin, for doing this and taking time to sit down and open up and be vulnerable with us. I appreciate it.

Erin Ronder Neves: 40:09

Absolutely. Thank you for giving me the space and you know our vulnerabilities are superpower man, it really is. I'm always happy to support people in that, honor people in that and lead by example in that, because we're not alone and we need our sisters, we need each other.

Stephanie Theriault: 40:36

Thank you for listening. Be sure to check out our social media. All links are provided in the episode description. We're excited to have you here. Please give us a follow If you or someone you know would like to be a guest on the show. Reach out to us via email at info at maternalwealthcom. And remember stay healthy, embrace your power, and you got this.