Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
The Maternal Wealth Podcast creates a collective space for sharing all birth-related stories. I want to acknowledge birth's uniqueness, honor its variations, and remind us of the power we hold in giving birth.
As a Labor and Delivery Nurse, I see the impact of our stories. Let's share those stories with those who come after us to prepare them for what's to come. For those who came before us, allowing them to reminisce and heal as we realize we were not alone in our experiences.
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Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
Ashlee Maillett: How Tractors and a Pregnancy Announcement Lead to an Unexpected Labor and Birth Journey.
Join us for an inspiring and heartfelt conversation on the Maternal Wealth Podcast as Ashlee shares her unique journey into motherhood. From her unexpected pregnancy announcement to the chaotic moments during labor and delivery, Ashley's story is a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that many mothers can relate to.
In this episode, host Stephanie engages with Ashlee of The Homesteading Hunny as she recalls her vibrant love story with Frank and how it evolved into parenthood. You'll hear about her discovery of pregnancy amidst the bustle of work and life, her thoughtful reflections on the process of bringing a child into the world, and the unexpected challenges that came her way during labor.
Ashlee’s honest narrative brings the realities of postpartum recovery into focus, emphasizing the need for support and understanding during this transition. Her experiences serve as a reminder of the strength it takes to navigate the complexities of motherhood and how vulnerability can connect us.
This engaging discussion not only sheds light on Ashlee’s unique experiences but also encourages listeners to reflect on their own journeys and foster open dialogues about motherhood and care. We aim to break the stigma around maternal health issues while offering valuable insights and support to women everywhere.
If you enjoy the conversation or have been touched by similar experiences, consider sharing the podcast with others or supporting our mission through donations. Join us as we continue to create a space for authentic dialogue and empowerment among women. Motherhood is a beautiful journey, and we invite you to embrace every moment with us!
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Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space for all things related to maternal health, pregnancy and beyond. I'm your host, stephanie Terrio. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and a mother to three beautiful boys. Each week, we dive into inspiring stories and expert insights to remind us of the power that you hold in childbirth and motherhood. We're here to explore the joys, the challenges and the complexities of maternal health. Every mother's journey is unique and every story deserves to be told. Please note that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider for medical guidance that is tailored to your specific needs. Are you ready? Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Today we have a very special guest, my cousin Ashley. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I was reminiscing earlier today and I can remember when my mom told me that you were born. Really, I really can. I was thinking about it today and we were still living at Bow Street and I remember her coming in and saying Auntie Vicky had the baby and her name is Ashley, and then myself, rachel and Christopher. We grabbed hands and we ran around in a circle. We were all so excited to have a new little cousin.
Speaker 3:My gosh, what a happy memory. That's so cute, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, that's so cute, that's so funny. Me being the one of the youngest, I don't have any neat memories of gaining a new cousin or anything like that. The youngest is my sister and that's it. Never knew what that was like, but that one must have been very exciting.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you've heard, but for other episodes I really like to start with a love story. So if you could share with us how you and Frank met.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So Frank and I met just like through a mutual friend, and when I first met him in person, it's like we just hit it off right from the get-go. It's quite funny. We were at a restaurant and I wear hair extensions and on this particular night when I had my hair extensions in, I had a long night of you know, maybe some alcohol consumption and I was not looking the best. My hair was tattered, the extensions were quite dangling off of my head, just quite literally dangling off my head, and one of the first things Frank said to me was I can see your fake hair. It was the funniest thing, just the way he said it.
Speaker 3:Frank has a great sense of humor and just the way he says things that you know maybe make somebody feel uncomfortable or something like that. He just has a way about it. That is just he's. He makes it funny and he makes it you feel great about it, even though you know he's like calling me out for my hair extensions that are dangling off my head. It was like almost like a compliment. I'm like, oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:After that we hit it off. I didn't see him after that night for quite some time and then we ended up going to a fair together and we spent a few hours just walking around and seeing the animals and eating fair food. It was just like if I had known him my entire life. I've not really gotten that from many people in my life and I don't think he had either at that point.
Speaker 3:The conversation just never ends between Frank and I and I think that's just one huge thing about us that we noticed right away is that him and I can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk about anything, primarily animals and agriculture and business stuff. We love the same stuff and at that fair the first time it was just him and I really sitting together and talking and learning about each other. I definitely have known him in a past life and that's how it started and we were a long distance relationship for a long time. We were a long distance relationship for a long time. I in at that point of my life he was definitely a keeper because it was not easy and it just made us even stronger going through that together. It kind of blossomed from there and now here I am down in Massachusetts. So that's kind of how it all began.
Speaker 1:You were living in New Hampshire prior.
Speaker 3:Yes, and so I still live there part-time. I'm usually there at least every other week because New Hampshire's always got to be home. That was kind of the deal of me being down here more full-time is that he had to be kind of on the same page that New Hampshire, no matter what, the end of the day, is always going to be home a little bit more homier than down here. So I go back and forth quite a bit, but it's worked out perfectly. It's an absolute perfect situation. I'm very, very, very lucky for it. But that's the tale of how Frank and I got started to where we are now.
Speaker 1:Tell us a little bit more about yourself. What are your hobbies? What brings you joy? Who was Ashley before Little Scarlet? We are now. Tell us a little bit more about yourself. What are your hobbies? What brings you joy? Who was Ashley before Little Scarlet?
Speaker 3:My goodness. So Ashley, before Little Scarlet, was a workaholic. I was very success driven. I really wanted to be somebody and have success to do greater things in life. I absolutely love being able to do things for other people. Even from literally a young age. I just wanted to be somebody successful so I could have a good life, but also I could provide a good life for somebody else. So even though Scarlett didn't happen until I was 30, when I had Scarlett, so I just knew younger Ashley had to be successful. So I just knew younger Ashley had to be successful. So when someday I had a child, it was going to be a heck of a lot easier than not having a solid foundation of work. So I had been planning for my future since I was a very, very young girl.
Speaker 3:My hobbies have always been animals, agriculture, my love for being creative. My creativeness was put on the back burner for a long time because I was working so much to be able to support this farm lifestyle that I was not grown up around except for going to horseback riding lessons and stuff like that. But I've loved animals since I was just a tiny little girl. That was how my mom was able to get me through school is the promise of Ashley you can go horseback riding if you go to school and study for your test and do homework.
Speaker 3:Animals have always been the driving force behind wanting to be somebody and success and working towards being able to have freedom to do what I want with animals and anything to do with farming and agriculture. So I had been planning even when I was a young girl, just knew what I want and had been so focused for years up until Scarlett was born, and I've always had just a free spirit of never really working for anybody but myself. When I became 21, 22 is when I really decided I kind of wanted to be outside the mold of what would be considered maybe safe and secure and think outside the box of how to be successful. It all kind of came to a head right when I got pregnant with scars?
Speaker 1:How did you find out that you were pregnant with scarlet?
Speaker 3:So I randomly thought to myself, hey, I'm really tired. It was seriously just like a random Tuesday and all of a sudden just was like wow, I'm really really tired and I've been somebody who always functions off very little sleep. I think that's just like this weird God-given talent I have is I can seriously be up all night, sleep for two hours and get up and be totally good to go for the next like 15, 16 hours, and so for all of a sudden, for that to just kind of stop very, very abrupt. I'm like this is weird and at first I thought I was maybe getting sick but it continued over the course of a couple days and I'm like, oh my God, I have to nap. It was really strange.
Speaker 3:And actual pregnancy really wasn't even a thought of mine, because during the time when I got pregnant was a really stressful, busy, crazy time. I had recently opened up a branch of my business that I co-owned down in Massachusetts when I moved down here and I had only been down here for like six or seven months, I believe. At the time I was never home, I was up all night working. I was here, there, everywhere. I never thought in a million years I would have been even like healthy enough to get pregnant just because I was not taking care of myself, I was eating horribly, I wasn't sleeping, I was stressed, I was never home, and so it was just a recipe for not getting pregnant. I would think when the fatigue and being so incredibly exhausted continued and then it went hand in hand with I didn't get my period, and then the light bulb went off and I was like, oh, maybe I'm pregnant.
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Speaker 3:I ended up taking a test and I was pregnant. I was like, oh my gosh. This may sound a little wild, but I'm a very spiritual person and I had been dreaming, for this was before the sudden onset of being completely fatigued and exhausted. I was having these very, very vivid dreams about being pregnant. It was the strangest thing. I woke up some mornings randomly being like wait a minute. Was that a dream? I don't really know the term for it, maybe lucid dreaming? I mean, I was dreaming of going shopping for maternity clothes and just random, random, very realistic dreams. I remember so vividly dreaming about if I needed to get a certain seatbelt random. You know how you can get those seatbelts for when you're pregnant. I don't know if they're safe or not, the one that goes in between your legs instead of across your belly, or something like that. I just remember having such a vivid dream about getting this seatbelt because I was pregnant and I just have never forgotten it. Then I ended up being pregnant, maybe a few months later after having these dreams. As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I was like, oh my God, that's so weird. I had a dream about getting a seatbelt because I was pregnant and for it to actually happen was quite crazy. I was actually kind of more shocked of me having these dreams and finding out that I was pregnant, that it actually happened. It was a shock, but also more joyful than being like oh my God. It was like, oh my God, yay. I know people love to say it wasn't the right time or it was the perfect time, but for me I'm just like there is no time for anything with something like that. I feel like it's when it's supposed to be. It's kind of supposed to be ultimately, whether you feel that in the moment or even the years after having a baby, you're like, okay, it all made sense for it to happen like that. How did you tell Frank? I kept it to myself for a few days because I was going to be gone working like a 48-hour shift straight, and so I didn't want to tell him over the phone, and so I finally got done working and I got home and I had a while to kind of stew on how I was going to do it. I wanted to make it somewhat theatrical.
Speaker 3:I had taken quite a bit of different pregnancy tests. I must have taken eight, because you know, I feel like maybe not all women do this, but I feel like a lot of us. Not that we're in denial, but we want to double check. You know, you're like wait a minute, let me just get like 16 different tests just to see if they're all positive. And so that's what I did. I headed to Walgreens and I got every different type of test you can get. I had an array of tests.
Speaker 3:It's like okay, I'm going to surprise Frank in a really very Ashley and Frank way. So we have this old tractor that's like out in the back of our field and Frank is like very protective over this tractor. That's quite literally just like rotting in the ground. I went back there and I put a bunch of the pregnancy tests all over the tractor and it's in the seat, it's like on the ground, it's like up on the dash and whatever. I wanted to put many out there so he wouldn't miss it, because you know how some men could maybe be looking at something and they're not. They're like like where is it? You know that situation. He's very famous for that. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna load this tractor up with pregnancy tests.
Speaker 3:I called him and I said, hey, there's a guy like out in the back field and he's looking at that tractor. He's like wait, what I was like, yeah, there's some guy out there. He's in the field and he's looking at the tractor like I'm not confronting him, you have to come here. So he like he like left what he was doing and he, he like sped home and he went right out there and he like called me and he's waiting. He's like he's not out there anymore. I'm like I don't know where he went. You know, maybe he's, you can't see him, or whatever. He just thought nothing of it going to confront the said guy out in the field.
Speaker 3:So when he got out there and I'm watching him from our window I can see him walk up to the tractor and he's like looking around and I'm like is he not seeing all of those pregnancy tests? Are you kidding me? No phone call or anything like that. And so I'm like he did not see seriously, like one of 12 that are out there. He walks back and he comes in I don't see anything in his hand and he walks in and we're like silent, looking at each other. I'm just waiting for him to say something and he pulls it out of his pocket. He goes. Really, that's how you told me. I'm like I thought it was great. It was like I thought somebody was trying to rob, take the trailer, take the tractor. I'm like well, I'm like well, that's like. That's, that's what makes it special, frank. You're never going to forget that. And so he was automatically. He was super, super happy.
Speaker 3:We had talked about it a bunch too, like we knew it was on the horizon for us. We were both in a place where, if it happened, we were going to embrace it. Obviously, we were both in a place where, if it happened, we were gonna embrace it. Obviously, we were both like after the height of everything, you know, when everything calmed down, we were like sitting down, eating and we were just like, wow, like this is, this is wild, this is crazy, this is happening. And I think he knew deep down a big purpose for him in this world was to be a dad. He's a very, very, very kind, patient person and we had always said, you know, jokingly, who would be the better parent? You know, people joke about that and stuff like that and it was always like Frank. Frank is such a wonderful, wonderful, patient, kind guy, he's going to make the best dad, and so that's always been a hot topic of ours, and so it was almost kind of like he was ready for his time to shine.
Speaker 3:When he found out that I was pregnant 100%, he was probably a little more secure over becoming a parent than I was during the whole pregnancy.
Speaker 3:But also when I found out too, after telling him, the reality of oh my God, what if something happens? Sunk in what if something goes wrong? You know, I know it's really common for those first two months that things can miscarry, so that all started to kind of sink in within the first week or so of me being pregnant. That was not something I was expected, and so then obviously my anxiety about that then got put on Frank and he's like, oh my God, you're right. So I bet we're like okay, ashley, don't let your your intrusive thoughts ruin this special first couple weeks of this wonderful news. It was pretty theatrical and we tell the story to anybody who is here and they're like oh, what's that tractor back there? Frank will be like, oh my God, listen to this story. And there's actually still a couple of pregnancy tests back there on the tractor. There's no real reason, but there's maybe one or two still out there. Frank just probably keeps them there for memory or something, I'm not sure how was the pregnancy for you?
Speaker 1:did you have any morning sickness, any difficulties? You know what.
Speaker 3:I was so blessed and so lucky to have an absolutely amazing pregnancy, aside from my initial fatigue and exhaustion. Once I kind of got over that hump, I felt like a million bucks. I did not have one ounce of nausea. I had a wonderful, wonderful experience and I was very, very, very thankful for that, because I know for a lot of women that is not the case, and I had a couple people around me who were also pregnant at the same time and they went through it. Oh my God, those poor people. Oh my God. But it was wonderful. I felt great. I didn't really have any food aversions. I was great. I was feeling good. I kept really really active, no interruptions with work or slowing down or anything like that. It was very, very, very lucky. Honestly, I'd never felt better about myself being pregnant, cause you know you're, you know you've got this big belly and you can wear whatever you want. It's just like oh my God, I felt, I felt fabulous. I did, I felt fabulous right up to the end.
Speaker 1:Pretty much. How did you decide who you wanted to deliver your child, like OB or midwife? How did you find a birth provider?
Speaker 3:So pretty much I knew absolutely zero about that whole process. I only have, I want to say, three or four friends who have kids that are around the same age as me. I have a lot of friends, people who are like 50, 55, just not my age, and so, you know, things are different back then and so as far as all these different options that we have and for the people I did talk to, like my mom, was like I don't you know, I had an OB and that was that and that was kind of the general consensus with people that I were in my life that have had children 30 years ago. And so with my few friends that I have that are my age and have children who are younger, they were like you could do this or that and you could get a doula, a midwife or just an OB. It was kind of overwhelming and so I was like I think I'm just gonna Google, review different OBs and hospitals that are within my network and kind of go from there, and I felt very blind the entire process. I genuinely felt like I was wearing goggles that didn't allow me to really see anything other than black and white. You have an OB and you go to the doctor, and that's that it really came down to me.
Speaker 3:Just looking at different providers that were in my network and choosing one that was decently rated on Google, I really didn't think much more of all the other options that I could have had. I think I had told you I didn't even know what a midwife really was, and that's on me for not looking into it deeper and further. I didn't know what a midwife was until it being in the hospital and there was a midwife kind of in charge of everything. One thing I didn't know until deep into my appointments was I wasn't going to have the doctor that I had been primarily seeing and I was like, okay, which I probably should have known that. But I was so comfortable with her and you know I was like, oh, I wish I had like kind of known.
Speaker 3:You know, in the beginning it was a pretty quick decision of being like, okay, I feel like I should probably get right in and and be seen and kind of go from there, but that's that's all I really did. And looking back, I'm like, oh, I wish I maybe had researched a little bit more, whether it's like podcasts like yours, or watch some YouTube videos of what other women do and stuff like that, because my experience ended up being not the best. But, going into it blind, I just kind of did what was, I guess. But going into it blind, I just kind of did what was. I guess the very traditional thing to do is just find an OB and go from there.
Speaker 1:Your OB who was seeing you in the office. Did she not deliver you because she only saw patients in the office, or was she just not on the floor that day?
Speaker 3:She was a doctor who this should have been like not a red flag by any means, but like I should have caught on to. It is. She was an older doctor who was only there like two days a week, if that, and so I just think she didn't deliver anymore. I think she did on call maybe like once a month. She was an on-call delivery OB doctor very rarely, I think. She just primarily did appointments. She was a very knowledgeable person. She was very, very thorough in everything that she ever talked to me about in the appointments, but I think she really only did deliveries when she was on call. That on-call schedule for her was very slim.
Speaker 3:I tend to kind of get the short end of the stick for everything and I'm like I would. This would be like my case. You just want that person that you've been seeing for months and months and months and months to be there or at least know what to expect, cause I I definitely did feel a little like oh wait, and I actually thought to myself when I found that out. I was like should I switch? You know, do I? Should I go to a smaller practice where I know that the doctor's going to be the one that's delivering the baby.
Speaker 3:It was so late in the game I was like, oh my God to start fresh. But I'm like, but does it even matter? Because this doctor's not going to be there unless it falls on the very slim day that she's going to be there. It's definitely not a good feeling at all to know like, oh, oh, okay, I'm going to feel even more blind going into this with the person that I've been speaking to this whole time. Not that she even knows me personally or would maybe even remember my name because it was at a bigger practice, but a familiar face would be nice definitely let's get into your birth.
Speaker 1:Did you go into labor where you were scheduled induction? What happened?
Speaker 3:Yes, at 40, about 40 weeks I started I finally felt I'm like, okay, I'm starting to feel different. I'm finally starting to feel like uncomfortable. I was kind of a late bloomer in uncomfortableness, like I was very comfortable up until literally 40 weeks and it was like almost definitely within a few until literally 40 weeks, and it was almost definitely within a few hours. All of a sudden it was like, okay, I'm feeling different. I'm very, very uncomfortable. I'm not getting around as easy. I'm so out of breath. My stomach started to feel crampy. I'll never forget I was sitting in our bedroom watching TV in my rocker chair and I had my feet up and they were so swollen I had no swelling or anything up until 40 weeks. And so I'm like, oh my God, things are working. My feet are like swelling, if that's like even a thing. I was like I don't know if that's like a good thing or a bad thing. I remember thinking that and I remember Googling it, being like is that a sign of labor? My feet's falling and my shoes weren't fitting anymore. Like randomly, all of a sudden I started to feel some, I guess like this crapping, and so I'm like okay, things are, things are going to happen. Things are going to start moving along now. So that happened for a couple of days and I went in and got, I think, at like my 40 week appointment. I remember going in and them checking to see if I was dilated and there was nothing. I just remember the doctor being like okay, so you're not, you're not dilated at all yet. And I'll always remember this doctor saying there's no good reason for a baby to be in there past 41 weeks. So we want to induce you at the 41 week marker no longer than like a day or so after. And I was like, okay. So then I remember going home and everything that I had been feeling just stopped. There was no feeling as uncomfortable as I was. There was no more cramping, there was no, nothing other than her being able to see her foot up against my stomach and stuff. She was very active, thankfully. But all my other symptoms of labor, anything that made me think that, oh, I could go into labor today or tomorrow, it just stopped. I just remember being like that's kind of weird Every day. My due date not that a due date's super accurate, that would be really cool if she's born on a due date but it came and went, which I think was probably pretty common, and she was due on december 22nd. And then christmas rolled around and it's so funny because frank had gotten her like a first christmas ornament. My parents did like she had a christmas outfit because in my mind i'm'm like there's no way she won't be here before Christmas, naive Ashley. So Christmas came and went and nothing, no, anything.
Speaker 3:But actually one little tale is so on Christmas for the company that I used to own. It's an elderly home care company and so we're open 24 hours a day Every holiday. We never shut down. So holidays are a big stressful time for the people involved running the business. So come Christmas Eve, we had a massive call out for a client down here in my area that I was in charge of and this person was going to be out Christmas Eve, christmas Day, christmas Day, overnight, and literally nobody could go. And at the end of the day, for that type of business, if nobody else can go and this client, she cannot be alone. You're going, me going.
Speaker 3:And I remember being in such a blind panic and everybody was like calm down, calm down, you're about to pop, don't be stressed, don't be stressed. And I was so incredibly unwell. I was pacing around, I was crying, I was like I cannot believe this. I'm overdue Not overdue, but I could pop at any time. I was so, so angry that that would happen to me, not even on a holiday, but just in general. I was just so angry.
Speaker 3:But after that day then things started kind of moving a little bit. I started to not feel well again and I don't know if it was the stress that that caused, but that sparked something. And I don't know if it was the stress that that caused, but that sparked something. So it's a funny story. I tell to everybody Just an example of how stressful being a business owner can be. It literally did something to me for pregnancy. I really think that's when my body started to maybe try to start the process. But I remember I ended up not having to go and somebody came in and like saved the day, which was an absolute miracle. And every time I see this woman we usually talk about it. I'm like, oh my God, remember that time where you came in and you saved the day on Christmas. But that night is when that whole process again kind of started coming back. My stomach started to be crampy and everything, and I'm like, yay, yay, yay.
Speaker 3:The stress made me like is inducing labor? On the 26th it kind of subsided a little bit and so I was disappointed because I really didn't want to be induced. I was like what's wrong with my body, why is this not happening? When did I go in to be induced? Oh, on her birthday, the 30th. I was like, wait, when did I go in? And so the few days after Christmas I continued to feel like that Nothing was happening. I was like what's wrong? You know, you start kind of getting in your head and everything like that. And doctor's office called and said okay, well, we're going to go ahead and do the induction, so come in on the 30th, call in the morning and we'll tell you what time to come in.
Speaker 3:We ended up going first thing on the 30th and headed to the hospital, which was so scary and so frightening because you hear horror stories of just being induced. As you know, I was out for at least a week on Google every night. I'm like, should I be induced or should I not be induced? When I got to the hospital, I literally walked in, was getting undressed into a Johnny and as soon as they put the heart monitor around my belly. It went to hell in a handbag. It was not good. It was not good. That was the start of the scariest thing I have ever been through in my entire life.
Speaker 3:It started within just a few minutes of being in the hospital. The nurse had hooked me up and I was sitting in the bed and she said are you feeling like you're having a contraction? And I said no, no. And she's like oh well, on the monitor, you're having a mild contraction. And I thought to myself maybe this would be my situation, where I do come into the hospital for a induction and I end up not needing one. You know, like that's my immediate thought of what was going to happen. And that was not the case. She's like okay, I'll leave you to it to get changed. You know you are having a mild contraction and then so I'll be right back. And so I went to the bathroom to get changed and pack my bag and whatever. And I was Snapchatting the hospital room and like, oh, this is so cute. And so then I get back into bed and no sooner of me getting back into bed, an absolute team of people rushed in the room.
Speaker 3:That's when things like kind of not get fuzzy, but it just all happened so quickly and so it was just so intense. It was so intense the next few hours that some of it I've kind of I don't know if I've like blocked off or I was just so out of it because I was. So I felt disorientated because it was just so much going on so quickly and so intensely. But a whole team of people came in and they said her heart rate had dipped down to whatever a dangerous number is for that I don't remember. So they ended up having me get like on my side and that kind of happened a few times within the first like literally hour of me being there. And I remember Frank and I looking at each other and being like uh-oh, like what, what is going on? Like this is quite, quite wild.
Speaker 3:It would kind of go in like waves for the first hour or so of me being fine and on, you know, her heart rate being fine, and then all of a sudden the monitor dinging and this and that, and then the whole group of people would come in again and reposition me and one time I was like on my hands and knees but the induction still hadn't started. Hands and knees, but the induction still hadn't started, and I remember that the doctor that was there, she was apprehensive to start the induction because of her heart rate, and so for the first couple of times that happened, they were kind of leaving it up to me of what I wanted to do. If I thought, do we just want to see what happens for over the next you know hour? Maybe let me try to go into natural labor? I'm not really sure what the intentions were for the first few hours of that. And then finally, after that had happened a couple times and a couple I mean like probably maybe five times finally the doctor came in and was like, okay, I think we should start the induction.
Speaker 3:And I remember being very, very unsure, being like is this the right decision? Should I be waiting? Is this normal? I was so confused and I remember just telling Frank I'm like Google, this is normal, am I being pressured into something that I shouldn't be doing? But also, at the same time, this is so scary and if they're telling me, like you know, we need to do this, I guess that's what we need to. I guess, like I don't know, I just I'm putting my faith into, obviously, this doctor who is a doctor, I think because it was taking a little while. I was like well, why aren't we starting sooner? There were so many questions mixed with being disorientated with what's going on. The whole process was really confusing. For the first couple hours it was very, very confusing up until the induction. After that, when they started the induction, things escalated super quickly. My body responded to the medicine very strongly.
Speaker 1:Was it Pitocin through the IV Yep? Actually thinking back, about it.
Speaker 3:I believe maybe there was a halt in the induction because they couldn't get a stick, couldn't get a needle in me. Everything was horrible that was going on. But I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever forget the fear of God in this woman's eyes of desperately trying to get a needle in my arm. My God, steph, I knew it was an emergency situation, obviously, but this woman, I know she was trying to keep it together. This woman was sweating bullets, trying to get a needle in me. That scared me and I think because, also working in a hospital the majority of my adult life and knowing when things are kind of slippery, seeing a nurse and she was an older nurse sweating bullets, struggling to get a stick in me, the panic surrounding trying to get a needle in me, was very frightening. It was very, very frightening. They had one of those machines that showed where your veins were. I mean, they end up having to have somebody from a different department come in. But I remember my whole arm, within just not even an hour, was so bruised and just so. Oh my God. But you know what? It kind of kept my mind off of other pain that was happening because I was dilating so quickly. I think I went from no dilation to seven centimeters dilated within like 30 minutes, yeah, and without a fedora. I think, looking back, maybe that's why the induction was taking a while is because they couldn't get a needle in my arm. I don't know why. Maybe I was really dehydrated, or I've never had trouble getting blood taken or anything like that. So, yeah, I went from zero to seven centimeters within half hour, a little more I was.
Speaker 3:I was going through it, no epidural yet and being in intense pain, just like going through it. They had thrown out the word c-section a few times. Even though I was so super, super out of it because of the pain and just the panic that was in the room, I thought to myself oh my god, I would, I would almost fully dilate and not have an epidural and feel every ounce of that, just to end up getting a C-section. That would happen to me. But they ended up needing to break my water and I remember seeing it come out and it was lime green. When they did that, they put like a more accurate monitor on her head.
Speaker 3:Then I finally got an epidural and I remember when the doctor came in to give me the epidural he was like, so I don't work here. I just remember being like what, what do you mean? But I remember he didn't say it like to me, but he was saying to, like everybody else, that he doesn't work here and he doesn't really know where everything is, but just essentially, get the hell out of his way so he can do this. And I was like, oh my God, it's just adding to the adding to the situation. Oh my God. So that went actually relatively very smoothly. He did a great job.
Speaker 3:Just the entrance was a little strange from coming into the room and saying that, yeah, definitely, definitely lacking, like the bedside, not even manners, but bedside common sense. Just maybe not come in and save that to a very, very intense situation. So, poor Frank, he's sitting next to me as close as he can because there were just so many people constantly around me. He stood right behind them the whole time in the sheer, sheer horror on this poor guy's face. Oh my god, that's something I'll never forget either. Just kind of looking through the crowd and seeing Frank in the background, like totally you could tell he was so scared, oh my god.
Speaker 3:And when I got the epidural we did one last final, putting a ball in between your legs and they had me on my side. And while I was doing that, everybody finally left and I don't really know how much time passed. Time was just. It felt like it was standing still, but probably flying by, and the crowd cleared out and finally I was able to just kind of relax and the epidural was kicking in. The pain went down and started to feel very lucid. Almost my body was just shaking tremendously. But then finally my nervous system, you could tell, was just like finally calming down and I thought, okay, you know what, maybe things are better. They have the accurate heart monitor on Scarlett now, and let's see where this takes us.
Speaker 3:I kind of came back to reality a little bit, but still felt a little out there because I was just so calm all of a sudden. And so then the doctor came in and said this happens one more time, we'll do a C-section. And I remember signing the paperwork and I was so scared. I remember being so incredibly frightened, just so so. I've never felt more like it's in God's hands. I felt so defeated and so incredibly exhausted and I was just in the let's just, let's just get this baby out. At this point I'm like. I remember thinking I'm like how am I going to? I don't even know if I have enough strength to push this baby out Like I could barely barely even keep my eyes open.
Speaker 3:And when the doctor came in and said we're going to do the c-section if it happened again, ike went to go use the bathroom and within two minutes of him being gone, the piece was over and the alarm started going off again, and it was even worse than the other time it happened. Her heart rate went way down and I remember, out of all the times that that had happened, this was like the worst one. Just to remember, it felt more serious than all the other times and they had me again get on my hands and knees. I had the epidural so I could barely hold myself up and they were like okay, you're going, we're rushing into surgery. Frank hadn't even come back from using the bathroom yet and they were wheeling me out of the room. Oh, and they wanted me to stay on my hands and knees, like going down the hallway.
Speaker 3:As soon as we got to the doorway of my room, my bed broke. Yeah, yep, and so I just remember there were literal maintenance men there helping drag my bed down the hallway. I don't know what was wrong with the bed, I don't know if it was like the brakes or something, but I remember they had me like off the heart monitor and it was because they were like they were moving me and I don't. I maybe I guess it wasn't like transportable, I don't know, but it took forever to get me to the hallway. And, my god, stephanie, the people, the panic of scraping the hell out of the floor getting my bed down the hallway is like it was so, so bad, and they're all angry at each other because the bed's not working and so they're like, like yelling at each other and oh, my god, it was so bad, it was so bad.
Speaker 3:And I just remember, finally, we're like halfway down the hallway and this older nurse she must have been Jesus, she must have been like late 70s. She's probably just working per diem. You know what I mean Like totally, totally. I don't know if she was a volunteer, I don't know if she was an older nurse, I'm not sure, but she appeared out of nowhere and she had a Minnie Mouse scrub top on, like with a matching little bonnet thing on her head, these little details. I remember she had like really beautiful cross necklace on and she had these gigantic, beautifully painted, vibrant pink nails. She disappeared out of nowhere and she's holding my hand. Oh, and by this time I had fallen and I was not on my hands and knees, I was on my side. Now I couldn't hold myself up when they're desperately trying to drag my bed down the hallway. And so this woman, she's holding onto my hands and everything and she's like it's, you know, we're almost there, we're almost there. And I looked at her and I have tears in my eyes. I'm like is she going to be okay? And I'll never forget her being like we'll be there soon, you know, just just, we're almost there. I know this is, this is I don't know what word she used, whether it was like if this never happens, you know, like your bed not working, like we should end the OR. You know, maybe this is wild or this is odd or something like that, but she wouldn't answer the question of. Things were like okay, I don't like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And so she's just holding my hand, she's like telling me it's you know, we're almost there, we're almost there.
Speaker 3:When I got to the OR, I was very dazed and confused. I really had not had any any time to really process what happened or what was going on. Essentially, frank wasn't with me. It was like I had mentioned that cute older nurse with the Mickey Mouse scrubs who was comforting me, telling me we're almost there, we're almost there. Everybody was really panicky and next thing I know is I'm kind of being strapped down to this cross and they asked if I wanted to have the sheet with the window or not, if I wanted to see what was going on, and I remember barely really answering but just was like, just like mumbled no.
Speaker 3:At this point I then started to become in and out of consciousness and I think it was just purely from I don't know. I don't know if it was like the medicine, I don't know if it was just the sheer panic or that's just maybe how my body was processing it. I'm not, I don't really sure. So I was kind of in and out of consciousness, but I remember Frank not being there and I remember having a couple of doctors around me, like the anesthesiologist, telling me like okay, you know, you're not going to feel a thing, this like trying to really, you know, make me feel okay, make me feel safe and whatnot.
Speaker 3:Next thing I know is I'm kind of being what feels like ripped and kind of tugged around and then I hear she's out, she's out, or something like that, and then silence. And then somebody said get me a blanket. And then finally a cry, and then everybody, just like you, could feel the sigh of relief kind of around the room and I think a couple nurses even like clapped around the room and I think a couple nurses even like clapped, and the anesthesiologist behind me being like look, look, like there she is, she's over there, and I was like I just couldn't even respond. And so then finally I see this burly guy come in in a scrub setup and I then put two and two together like oh, it's Frank.
Speaker 3:Literally then dawned on me that Frank wasn't in the room for any of this and I can only see his eyes. Somebody pulls up a chair next to me for him to sit in and I'm looking at him and even in my delusional state I can see that there's like something not right with him. I just remember thinking, oh God, he's not well. So they bring Scarlett over and the nurse is like here's Scarlett. And I remember her pushing Scarlett right against my cheek and one of the nurses had her phone and was like taking photos. And then Frank, he's kind of like physically spitting, like you can just see him, like not, not right. And so the nurse like hands off Scarlett to somebody and she was like are you okay, frank? Like Frank, are you okay? And Frank just like shakes his head like no. So two nurses help Frank up and literally help him out of the room.
Speaker 3:I kind of go back into like okay, let's just concentrate on trying to stay awake and try and take in everything that's going on. Now, this huge wave of relief that's you know that Scarlett's out. I remember the nurse saying she's okay, and so I just immediately started to feel much more safe and being like okay, everything is okay, like this is okay. And so then I kind of started to come out of that fog that I was in. So then I still don't know what this is.
Speaker 3:I felt like they were counting on my body, the rhythm of what the doctor was doing. It felt like she was pushing in and counting like a sequence, if that makes sense In my head. I was like is she doing stitches? And then counting how many stitches she's doing. But I remember needing something to hyper-focus on and so I focused on them doing some sort of counting. I don't know if they were accounting for instruments that they were using too, because there was lots of banging and stuff going around with you know tools and their little kit or whatever. I was uncontrollably shaking, like uncontrollably shaking, and they just kept pying blankets on me. It felt like absolutely forever, but just kept focusing on whatever the doctor was doing and doing whatever their thing that she was doing down there and a lot of pressure like a lot of pushing and stuff just trying to breathe. And Frank wasn't there because something was going on with him. And then they transferred me to a new bed and that worked. That worked.
Speaker 3:Scarlett had been brought back down to the room already when they were stitching me back up and when I was brought back into the room, frank was holding Scarlett and there was a nurse there and I remember the nurse saying, oh my gosh, she looks like a porcelain doll and she had one dimple and she was like I can't get over how much she looks like you, frank. I remember one of the first things you know now that I'm totally conscious and like no, it's going on looking at Scarlett and being like she looks nothing like me. She does not look like my child whatsoever. I remember being like, oh my God, she even has hair, because I don't have the best hair. And when I was born I was bald, bald, bald, bald, bald for like two years. And she was just this really tan, olive skin, dark hair, little baby. And I was just like, oh my gosh, it hit me so quickly as soon as I saw her. This is now real. It was so hard to picture her physically being here, but she's here and she is just so beautiful, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:So then I didn't even have time to really process what had even happened, because everything just went from zero to 100, back down to zero. She was born at 321 in the afternoon, and so things happened very quickly at the end and then, when everything was fine, everything just all of a sudden it's like a switch turned and it was calm and peaceful and relaxing. And I remember the first time when the nurse left the room and it was just Frank, scarlett and I us just looking at each other and being like what just happened. Him and I just kind of started to process the whole thing while just trying to soak in every moment. Our phones were absolutely blowing up because this was also during COVID.
Speaker 3:I think actually we could have had one guest at a time, a certain period of time, but Frank and I chose to just wait and see how things go. It was like all these other stipulations too, and we didn't want to have to have people to jump through hoops just to come and visit us. It turned into be a really just special experience for Frank and I that made us a totally different couple when we left the hospital, going through something like that together, and wouldn't want anybody to have like gone through that with us Like I. I think if my mom, especially my mom if she had seen everything and had gone through that, oh my God, it would have traumatized her. It would have really scared her and my dad. They only saw the beautiful side of it. It's beautiful in its own way, the whole experience, but I think on the outside, looking in, it would have created so much fear and so much more anxiety for everybody. And for that to be like Frank and I's special experience that we went through I think it makes it that much more special, I guess.
Speaker 3:So over the next 24 hours. It was mainly me resting in bed, spending as much time as I could with Scarlett. None of the real pain had really kicked in. Yet I had a nerve block in. The doctor was like, oh yeah, this will wear off in like exactly 24 hours, and it, like on the dot, did that's. When I got my catheter out, I finally got out of bed and then just slowly, slowly, slowly started to gear up getting ready to leave the hospital and I was petrified. I was so scared to leave. I was in so much pain and the medicine that they gave me I tried once and it made me so sleepy and so out of it and this is actually a really fun story, like little side note about this medicine. So I again nobody had heard from us Going on like probably eight, nine, 10 hours at this point, and once Scarlett was here and I'm comfortable in bed, and this was like later at night when I was given this medicine to help with some other pain.
Speaker 1:Do you remember what the medication was called? I?
Speaker 3:don't, I have no idea. I want to say everything was given through IV, so it's some kind of IV medicine. Okay, I wish I knew that. You know, if I do have another child, not to have that because me and that medicine did not work. So I'm like sending photos out to everybody of like, oh, like Scarlett. So I hadn't even realized it, but I sent because again, I'm like on this medicine that's making me feel super loopy and tired. I sent out a photo to every single person that I know and like on my snapchat, a photo of just like me, naked, with scarlet, like not even breastfeeding or anything. And one of Frank's friends messaged me. He was like do you?
Speaker 1:know what you just sent and I was like no, it was so bad it was so funny.
Speaker 3:I was like god, it was so funny. And I was wow, and I just like had to play it off, like it was on purpose. I was like oh yeah, like oops, like that's. You know, I meant to send it to some people but I guess, like like too many people, but really I was just like super loopy on the medicine. Oh my God, that is so funny. Oh my God, yep. And so I went digging through all the photos that I had saved and I was like wow, like you know, those beautiful, like you know, first moments of breastfeeding photos, sharing those wonderful, all for it. But this photo was not, was not it? So that's just a side note story of that. That. Just people, we still all talk about it to this day, so funny. So after that, this was so.
Speaker 3:The next day was New Year's Eve. Scarlett was such a funny little girl. She was sleeping super well, no trouble, breastfeeding, which was. I was really worried about that because I felt like I went into that whole thing super blind too. I was just kind of like, well, I'm going to wing this and not like one drop of research, nothing. I just kind of prayed for the best for that which and that worked out beautifully. We just kind of hung out.
Speaker 3:I was really worried to leave the hospital because I was in so much pain At one point I think this was just everything kind of coming to a point that last night on new year's eve I was like, oh my god, I'm scared to leave tomorrow. Maybe let's try to convince the doctor to let me stay one more night. And so the doctor said you know you can stay one more night, but you're doing well Like you should probably like leave. I was like, yeah, you're right. We watched the fireworks from our hospital room. The hospital that I gave birth to Scarlett in is like kind of in like a downtown, not the best area hospital, and so we actually think there were like street fireworks of just like people like setting off in the street, which was really nice though it was right outside our room. Overall, that part of my birth, the aftercare, was really good, minus the medication, but I mean, at the end of the day it's not like it hurt anything other than like embarrassing me once I took it. I'm like, okay, never again.
Speaker 3:So that part of the hospital stay was really really beautiful and really nice, and to take that time with Frank and myself and Scarlett, the first 24 hours was so nice. I enjoyed just the peace and quiet. I'll always remember they took Scarlett out to do a hearing test and they were like, oh, do you want her to stay in the nursery a little while so you can get some sleep? And Frank and I were like, oh, do you want her to stay in the nursery a little while so you can get some sleep? And Frank and I were like, sure. So I remember sleeping for a little while and then the nurse kind of creaking open the door and bringing Scarlett in the little the bassinet and Scarlett was obviously laying on her back and she was looking around like her eyes were wide open and she was looking around the room as nurse was wheeling her in, and so she wheeled her right next to the bed I was in and Scarlett like just rolled her head over and was just staring at me and I was staring at her. I'm like, oh my gosh, she's like she's hi. You know, she just like looked like she was gonna talk for a second. It was so funny you could tell. She's like, wow, where am I? But that was just a little precious moment that I'll always, always, always remember is her being wheeled and her being like wow, where am I?
Speaker 3:We left New Year's Day and we are getting ready to leave and they're trying to figure out the car seat, or you know, and you're trying to like okay, like let's make sure the car seat fits. Is it normal for a nurse to be like no, no, no, like this is your car seat, you have to figure this out. Like you can't leave until you figure this car seat out. It's almost like we felt like if it was like a test, because we had tested the car seat, like fiddled around with it and stuff, before you know, we went to like learn a little bit about it, you know, put like a doll in there and figure out how it works in general. But the nurse would be like, okay, put Scarlett in the car seat and, you know, buckle her up and you tell me if this is right, and if it's right, you can go. So we were like okay, so I'm like like barely able to stand. Frank's kind of like sweating bullets trying to make sure this car seat buckled up correctly. And she came and went like four times and like oh, nope, that's not right, try it again and then would leave and then frank, and I'm like, okay, we like fiddle around with the car seat again and then we ring the bell she'd come back in. No, no, that's not right. Then she'd leave again and call me when you think you've done it. We're like, okay, I'll never forget being like like literally sweating bullets. We're concerned. We're like, oh my god, it's just like not even gonna work. I'm like on youtube trying to look up direction. It was unbelievable, the car's running out front. So then finally we got the okay and we left in that first car ride home after a C-section.
Speaker 3:Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, the bumps. Frank driving no good. And I was dangling off the. You know the little handle that's in the back of the car. I was dangling off the. You know the little handle that's in the back of the car. I'm like trying to not put my butt on the seat just because it felt every single bump. And I, that was just something I did not expect and I don't think it really sunk in until I got home that I had like major abdominal surgery either. Like I just it just didn't like, didn't click. Obviously I was in pain and I was barely able to walk and but it didn't hit me until I got back to my you know, my home. I was like, wow, this is going to be a recovery, not just a simple like oh, I'll walk this off type thing. I didn't realize how how much it was going to affect me doing like anything. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm not going to be able to drive for weeks. So that was not expected at all.
Speaker 3:And after talking to a few different women who have also had c-sections, it seems like everybody has a really different experience. Some people are like, oh, it was like nothing, like what do you mean? You couldn't pull up your own pants for a week, I think. Think maybe for mine, because it was I don't like to use the word violent, but it kind of was like leading up to it, I was tossed and turned and it was not this like soft and gentle situation, it was very chaotic thing and I wonder if that made it that much more hard on my body. It wasn't this like easy thing and I wonder if that made it that much more hard on my body. It wasn't this easy thing. And some of the people that I've talked to they've gone in for their planned C-sections and everything goes perfectly and the recovery for them is literally nothing. I remember looking back after I had talked to some women being like, oh, why was mine not like that? I think that's kind of normal of when you're comparing your situations to somebody else being like, wait, why couldn't I tie my shoes and bend down and anything like that.
Speaker 3:For weeks I was down for definitely the first two and a half weeks I was seriously immobile. It was not good. It was a slow, slow at first recovery. It was also too a period of recovery but also a period of in my head going through. I can't believe that happened. And then, kind of it, now that I could breathe and I was at home, I kept holding on to this like I cannot believe that happened. I've gone through life very, very, very blessed that I have not had anything very super traumatic happen, Like I count my blessings every day. I really don't hold a lot of trauma and this was like my first huge life-altering traumatic thing I've ever been through and I was having at first, when I got home, a definitely difficult time processing it, being like what went wrong was something wrong with me.
Speaker 3:Did I do something? And even though the nurses were like no, this like literally happens all the time. But it was just a really difficult thing to process at first and kind of mad too. You know, wow, I wish it went the way that I thought it was gonna go and get I don't know, just a huge, huge, weird up and down of feelings like thank god, I'm so thankful, like everything was okay, but also like geez, like why, why did that have to happen? And again, what did? What did I do and what was wrong? What's wrong with my body? Almost kind of like you feel like you failed yourself a little bit. But then, after really taking a step back, after a few weeks of being angry and sad and mad, I was like Ashley, you need to get over this. Like you were, you left with a very healthy baby. You're okay, it's. You have to like move on from it. And so slowly I started to find humor in it and a little bit just being like you know what that was a whirlwind.
Speaker 3:I share my experience when people want to hear it, cause I also don't want to like scare people. But also I wish I knew that this was a possibility that could have happened. Going into it, I mean it would have been nice to know that, like hey, if labor isn't progressing or this happens or that happens, these are maybe some things that could be used during labor. That would have been a little nice to have a little bit of education about that, but maybe that's just kind of not typical nowadays. Definitely a unique experience for my life. I had not been through something like that before, but at the end of the day I've become thankful for it because it's just made it a special experience in my life.
Speaker 3:Now, and for a long time, I was like I will never, ever, ever, ever have another child. It turned me off to ever having another child, ever have another child. It turned me off to ever having another child. And I remember saying something along the lines of like I'm never doing this again to the anesthesiologist during that period of when I was being stitched back up or whatnot, and him being like oh honey, you just wait. Whether it's a year, two years, three years, four years, this will be just a memory. And that's exactly what it's become just a memory. So yeah, and also, too, one thing I really didn't realize or even think was going to happen too, after we got home and started. You know our normal routine.
Speaker 3:As Frank, I was hurting so badly and I was in so much pain and going through it mentally too of the whys and the what ifs and this, and that I didn't really realize that Frank was also struggling a little bit mentally with the whole thing, seeing his partner in a great deal of pain but also in a really scary situation, I took like a, took a toll on him, and that's one thing that it took me a little bit to realize, because he wasn't like hey, I'm not well. He was seriously my caretaker for and Scarlett's both of ours for a few weeks. And actually another fun little thing, too fun little story. Remember how I said he was quite doozy and dizzy and had to leave. Well, come to find out this was a long time after this.
Speaker 3:He kind of kept it to himself for a while when he walked in the room, the way that the operating table was positioned, the doors that you come in are right in the middle of the room, and so when you came in you saw everything. And when he came in he said that my organs were essentially on a sheet on my stomach. He said he was cool, calm and collected up until he walked in and he saw that he's like Ashley. I was fighting for what seemed my life to not drop on the floor After all that time. I don't know why him and I had never talked about like hey, what was wrong. And it was because he walked in and he saw that he was very bothered by that for a long time and I think he was also bothered too that he had to leave the room.
Speaker 3:I think him not being able to be there for me really also bothered him.
Speaker 3:I didn't really think anything of it because it was such a tense situation and I was never felt any sort of way about it.
Speaker 3:Definitely wasn't expecting Frank to kind of have like the baby blues afterwards too, not regardless of that experience that he had, seeing me like that, but I'm sure there's probably other men who feel the same way to just such a crazy time. That was something that was, I shouldn't say, not expected, because they're human beings and seeing their person they love in a really vulnerable situation and scary situation I'm sure is really hard, and especially for somebody who is just over the moon to be a dad and to see not only just like the person that they care about deeply but also their new baby going through it too. I can't imagine I'm somebody who would rather be like taking the worst of it. I don't like to see people that I love in pain or hurting or like that. It's just that is something I have a really hard time dealing with. I'd rather be the person going through it, hurting whatever it is, and so putting myself in his shoes must have been really the poor guy. I think it still bothers me to this day.
Speaker 1:So, looking back on everything that you went through, what are you most proud of?
Speaker 3:I'm proud of being able to be the mom that I always worked to be. I'm really, really, really proud that I can give Scarlett a good childhood, of me being here all the time, Because, even though I've not gone through anything big medical trauma or anything like that or have trauma of losing somebody, I've gone through it to finally be where I am now and my personal life just gone through the ringer in a lot of ways. Looking back, none of this makes sense. Why is this happening? None of it used to make sense and all of it now has come together and it all makes sense of everything to be exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I'm just so proud of little Ashley to then now be mommy, Ashley, to be home and to do, you know, try to do all the right things and give Scarlett a really, really good childhood, Because I think being a really good person and a really good part of society and for Scarlett to someday have a really good future starts at home, to give her a really good foundation. It's really important because that's what I had with my mom and my dad. My mom was home all the time with us growing up and treasure that. So, so, so lucky that I grew up with a mom who was able to be home and you know it was a struggle back then, but I just I'm so thankful that Scarlett's able to have that. I'm really, really proud of that. And I would also, too, I would say, proud of my recovery too.
Speaker 3:As far as the birth, I literally never thought I was going to be able to be strong again, To come back from that, from being so down and weak oh my God, I felt so weak for so long and to gain strength and to get kind of back to my baseline. Very proud that I did that. In the moment and for a long time after that I was like there's no way. There's no way that I'm going to feel strong again. But I somehow did so I'm really proud of that. It took a long time and I'm still not where I would love to be, but the fact I even got to a mindset of being like I'm good and then also physically being strong and being healthy super proud of that Cause that stuff for me. I am not somebody who can like easily work out or eat the right portions and the right stuff. That's just not my forte. So the fact that I did is like a miracle.
Speaker 1:Very proud of that. Well, thank you, Ashley, for taking the time to sit down and chat with me about your story and to be open and to be vulnerable so people who listen to the stories can grow and heal and learn and become more empowered and be in a space where we deserve to be.
Speaker 3:Yes, no, thank you so much for having me. Hopefully the story somebody can resonate with. I always love hearing people who've been through similar situations because it makes me feel not so alone in the experience. Hopefully somebody hearing this will be like oh my God, that happened to me too, you know. So it always feels better not to be alone with something like that. Thank you so much. I really loved it.
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