Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
The Maternal Wealth Podcast creates a collective space for sharing all birth-related stories. I want to acknowledge birth's uniqueness, honor its variations, and remind us of the power we hold in giving birth.
As a Labor and Delivery Nurse, I see the impact of our stories. Let's share those stories with those who come after us to prepare them for what's to come. For those who came before us, allowing them to reminisce and heal as we realize we were not alone in our experiences.
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Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
From Ultimate Frisbee to Empowering Homebirth: How Katy Found Strength in Midwifery Care in the UK
What does it truly mean to feel empowered during childbirth? Katy Featherstone Coombs takes us on a remarkable journey through her two vastly different birth experiences, offering wisdom that extends far beyond the delivery room.
After meeting her husband through Ultimate Frisbee, Katy approached her first pregnancy with careful preparation, choosing hypnobirthing and planning a home delivery. Her labor story unfolds with unexpected twists – from laboring peacefully at home to delivering a surprising 10lb 8oz baby boy. When postpartum complications arose requiring hospital transfer, Kate faced challenging moments that would fundamentally shape her approach to her second birth.
The raw vulnerability in Katy's storytelling emerges when she recounts hospital staff continuing an examination despite her requests to stop – a moment that still carries emotional weight years later. This experience transformed how she advocated for herself during her daughter's birth, where she confidently set boundaries and ultimately caught her baby herself.
Katy's reflection on the beauty and power of birth and its challenges is most compelling. She articulates how birth partners need recovery time too, how hospital stays can sometimes be unexpected blessings, and why maternal voice matters at every stage of the journey. Her pride in her body's capabilities and her unwavering appreciation for supportive care shines through every anecdote.
Through Katy's experiences, we're reminded that birth empowerment looks different for everyone – whether laboring at home or in hospital, with or without interventions. The constant thread is the importance of feeling heard, respected, and centered in your own birth story.
Music Credit
https://uppbeat.io/t/aaron-paul-low/homestretch
https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/she-likes-you
https://uppbeat.io/t/infraction/live-it
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Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space for all things related to maternal health, pregnancy and beyond. I'm your host, stephanie Terrio. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and a mother to three beautiful boys. Each week, week, we dive into inspiring stories and expert insights to remind us of the power that you hold in childbirth and motherhood. We're here to explore the joys, the challenges and the complexities of maternal health. Every mother's journey is unique and every story deserves to be told. Please note that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider for medical guidance that is tailored to your specific needs. Are you ready? Let's get into it. Welcome back to the Maternal Well Podcast. Today we have Katie Featherstone Coombs. She and I connected a couple of weeks ago over Facebook. I was looking for some women to come and chat with us about their birth stories and Katie was all about it. She reached out, we chatted, we connected and she is here today to share her birth stories with us. Welcome, katie.
Speaker 2:Hi, thanks for having me. It's exciting to be here.
Speaker 1:I'm excited to have you here. Let's start off with you telling us a little bit about yourself, where you're from and why you wanted to be on the show.
Speaker 2:So I'm from Southampton in the UK, I'm 32 and I've got two kids. They are six and three. So I've got a boy called Oswald, who's six, and a girl called Pandora, who's three. I am super passionate about birth and sort of being in control of your birth and feeling in control of your birth. I know that that can look in lots of different ways, but just want women to feel really empowered by their birth. I think it's an amazing and fascinating thing that women go through.
Speaker 1:One of the ways I really enjoy starting the podcast is talking about a love story. How did you meet your husband?
Speaker 2:We actually met through Ultimate Frisbee, which I think is much bigger in America than it is here. So yeah, we both he had left uni, I think, and I was still at uni doing my teaching degree at the time and I joined a local team so that I could play a bit more and he happened to be at that local team and yeah, we met there and kind of. The rest is history. We still play frisbee together. We've been together 10 years. I love the fact that we met through a hobby and that we've got like that shared passion and interest. He is much better than me, but I still love playing.
Speaker 1:Is it intense sport?
Speaker 2:yeah, super intense. What I love about it is that you don't know you're exercising, though, like it's really hard and you do get really out of breath and it is really intense. But because it's self-referred um, here in the uk, the way you relate to one another and the way that you have to build relationships is really lovely, so it's a really kind sport. Generally, everyone's really like, nice to each other and everyone works really hard and cheers each other on, but it's always a really safe space and a really nice place to be like we can take kids to the tournaments and it's just a really nice way to exercise without really like you're having fun at the same time. So it's really nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that sounds really fun and you're able to take the kids and they watch and they want to get into it.
Speaker 2:They love like cheering us on and, like my son, if he doesn't come for like the day of a tournament, he wants like a lowdown of exactly what happened and who did what and who threw what. And yeah, he's very into it.
Speaker 1:That's so cute, I love it. So you have two kids. When did you find out you were pregnant with your first?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we decided we were away for my birthday and we decided we had a chat and we were like, okay, let's think about trying for a baby. So I was 24. Yeah, I was 24 24 and we had this conversation. It was the 6th of August and I was 25 on the 10th of August. We were having this conversation about it and we were like, let's start trying. And then we got pregnant like that night. So, which is obviously super exciting and we're really really, really fortunate, but massively overwhelming and I thought it took like a year or two to get pregnant.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So it's interesting because I'm really into numbers and my children. I have three boys. Their birthday is August 6th, september 6th and October 6th, and I just recently interviewed somebody and she was talking about September 6th. You're talking about August 6th and October 6th, and I just recently interviewed somebody and she was talking about September 6th. You're talking about August 6th, so I'm just like these numbers keep coming up. I feel like it's just meant to be that I'm chatting with you and chatting with these other women on this podcast. Just find it fascinating how numbers, these numbers, keep repeating themselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what a strange, but that's so cool, that's so cool, so you found out you were pregnant.
Speaker 1:How was your first pregnancy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I was really fortunate. Really, I found out I was pregnant when I was away. No, I just got back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which is a massive comedy festival in Edinburgh, in Scotland, and I didn't drink when I was there and I knew, I just didn't, I just didn't feel like it. And then I got home and we found out I was pregnant. But we were going to Madrid like the next day or something and I didn't know at the time that Joss was going to ask me to marry him. So it was like this massive proposal holiday and it was really exciting and everyone had been in on this plan, but I had no idea and I was so grumpy, like I was grumpy and I was hungry and I was fed up, and he was like we need to go to this park, it's only open on a Sunday and it's only open at this time, and like all this about this path, and I was like I just I can't walk, I don't want to go, I'm fed up, I'm hungry, like I was so miserable. But yeah, then he proposed to me and obviously I was felt guilty about being so grumpy generally like was very smooth sailing, I was, I would say, emotionally I struggled, like I definitely struggled with at the same time that I was about 12 weeks, maybe a bit less.
Speaker 2:They do a thing in the UK and I don't know if it's traveled to America, but it's called a wave of light and everyone likes candles for those that have lost babies and it's. There's a lot of talk on social media about miscarriage and so I was super anxious that and I just remember saying to Joss the whole time like we can't celebrate, we can't be happy because we don't know that we're going to make it like that being really, really challenging. But overall, like physically, I loved being pregnant, like I loved feeling pregnant and being pregnant. I loved waddling around, I was gigantic, I could drive like by the end, but I loved the feeling of having a little human inside of me.
Speaker 1:For your delivery? Were you planning to have a home birth? Did you want to go to a birth center hospital, birth providers, too. What were you thinking? What did you want to go to a birth center hospital birth providers, too. What were you thinking. What did you want?
Speaker 2:so I don't know how much you know about how it works in the UK, but over here you generally just contact your midwife and then because it's all run by the NHS, so you generally just contact your midwife. It's not the only way you can go via a private midwife, but generally people contact their midwife and then make decisions with them, sort of by your side. But I don't know how I worked it out or what I saw or who I came into contact with, but someone suggested home birthing to me and hypnobirthing. It must have been at a very poignant time because I went away and did loads of research into it and did a hypnobirthing course which we got stuck in the snow for and it was all a bit dramatic but it was brilliant and like I loved it and learned so much and was quite then passionate about having a home birth.
Speaker 2:I measured normal typically I don't know in, you know as normal as a normal person can be, I guess, whatever that means during my pregnancy. So I was kind of allowed, given permission which again I don't really like that word like I don't think. I think you're in control. It's so easy to become a patient when you're pregnant and I tried really hard to not be a patient and I requested a home birth and sort of set things up for a home birth and that's what we did. We were obviously spoken to about the risks associated with it and I did go nine days over. There was lots of conversations when we got to the later stages about it being more risky, but I was really passionate about it and I also don't really believe in due dates, but I don't really think they're something that we can go off of.
Speaker 1:They're not very, um, like reliable such I want to ask you when you say you contact your midwives, did you already have a midwife for like gyn care, or you're finding someone new to you?
Speaker 2:yes, it's completely new to you. So you basically each doctor surgery in your area has a midwife associated with the doctor's surgery and then you just get given that midwife and they only tend to do community care, so they are only responsible for your care during your pregnancy. Outside of the hospital. We don't have continuity of care generally, although there are more teams set up now that follow you all day through and will try and follow you into hospital. But again, so I was a student midwife for a couple of years and from my experience of that the continuity of care midwives often aren't called in time and don't end up being there at the end.
Speaker 1:Did you go into labor? Do they induce for a?
Speaker 2:home birth. So they don't induce. They don't really do anything because of the risks associated with inductions. They just kind of leave you to it. So I went into labor.
Speaker 2:When I was getting my nails done, my contractions started and I was in this massive shopping centre and I was with my friend and I was like, oh, that's happening. And she was really pregnant too. Oh yeah, her baby was born in June, so mine was born in May. So we were about eight weeks between us, but we were walking around H&M and I was like just a minute and then I'd carry on walking. I knew that potentially it could take some time, so I wasn't panicked and I was quite chill, like I just drove home and said to Joss and we got home and just like, stuck new girl on, which I love, and I laughed and laughed and ate loads of pasta because I knew I had to carb load and get my energy up when I could and just ate and chilled and cuddled on the sofa. And then when it got darker that evening and things were kind of ramping up a bit more, I got in and out of the bath and lots of relaxing music and things.
Speaker 2:And then you do so if you select to have a home birth here, you you do meet the home birthing team of midwives before you go into labor and they assign you. Well, you meet, you meet one and they kind of assign them to you. So you stop using your community midwife and you start using the home birth one, probably around 28, 30 weeks and then but any of the team could obviously come, depending on who's working on that day. And I called about seven o'clock that night and they sent me a lady who was obviously very adamant I wasn't a neighbor, was older, was quite dismissive and really smelt of cigarette smoke and she came into our bubble and that was really hard.
Speaker 2:I found that really challenging because I didn't I didn't want challenging because I didn't want that smell. I didn't want that disruption in my beautiful, calm bubble. But she didn't stay very long. I can't remember how long she stayed, for she didn't stay very long the first time and then she came back because things ramped up a few hours later. So she came back a few hours later and then she did stay until the shift change at half seven in the morning and then she did stay until the shift changed at half seven in the morning and then it all started at 10am on the 10th and I gave birth at 3.48 on the 11th in the afternoon.
Speaker 1:So she stayed with you in your home the whole night.
Speaker 2:She stayed, yeah, probably from about 3am till seven when the shift changed. She stayed for about four and a half hours in our home. Yeah, she was just in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:Okay, so at seven o'clock then a new midwife came.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this one came with a. So two midwives came this time, because they generally send to. If you're like imminently going to give birth, they send two midwives. So two came, but they also brought a student with them, so they had three and they were wonderful, absolutely wonderful, and they just hung out in the kitchen because I'd made them loads of cakes and food to keep them busy.
Speaker 1:We've got cats, so they just stroke the cats and hung out when I didn't need them. That sounds lovely, yeah, yeah, I wanted to ask you before we get to the birth. For those who are listening, who don't really know about hypnobirthing and are curious, could you talk a little bit about how you used it while you were labouring?
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course I think it's fascinating and it really requires the work to be put in before you go into labour. But during my labour I used the power of my thought and my brain and music and my environment to make sure I was in a calm space and I'd trained my body into that calm sort of emotional state. I'd relaxed my nervous system before I went into labor so my body was, as soon as it had the music, as soon as it had the cues, it kind of automatically then relaxed. Also, what hypnobirthing taught me was to make decisions based on what I knew my body was telling me and to listen to my body and to make my decisions along with the information I was gaining from my environment and from the midwives and my research.
Speaker 2:To make sure that I felt empowered and that Joss, my husband, was a huge advocate for me. He knew what to say and what I wanted and we really laid out what we wanted and how we felt about different things and how to have a discussion should something come up that wasn't necessarily like planned. We knew how to have that conversation in a way that I felt supported. So I guess that's probably like how I used it lots and lots of breathing techniques and I think lots of people just think that's what hypnobirthing is, but I think there's so much more to it. But the breathing techniques, the music, are probably the big, the really big things for me.
Speaker 1:We paused this episode for a quick message from our sponsor. At Maternal Wealth. We aim to ensure that you have access to the best and the most appropriate care. That's why we created a maternal health care provider database. Maternal health providers can easily create profiles to promote their services and business, helping to increase access for those seeking their care. This is a one-of-a-kind database that offers a new and exciting way for women to search for and find maternal health providers near them and tailored to their specific needs. Profiles feature badges that highlight various services, such as TODAC-friendly practices, all-female practices, lgbtqai plus inclusivity, language options, access to vaginal breach services and more. Did they check you at all to let you know you were fully dilated or did you start?
Speaker 2:to get the urge to push. How did that go for you? Yeah, so they did. They did check me and I think because my labor had been quite long, they were probably checking me more often like he, um, he did the typical like come down, we can see him. Then he went back up again. He did that quite a lot but at the time we had no idea how big he was.
Speaker 2:So, you know, we just thought it was, it was, it was standard. But they, they did check me and they have got waterproof. So I was in a birth pool at home now so I'd got into the pool at home that I'd hired. So I was in a birth pool, they were checking me underwater and they had a waterproof sonogram. So, yeah, that was, that was all fine. They were checking and I remember them using a mirror and checking for his head and they weren't really disrupting me or making me move in particular positions. They were really good at giving me my space and letting me sort of flow with what was going on with my body how about breaking your water?
Speaker 1:did it break naturally?
Speaker 2:so no, this is probably where we had to have one of those conversations which we obviously hadn't really foreseen. My waters didn't break and they thought that might be why things were taking so long. Um, because my waters hadn't broken, so they did break them for me, and that did speed things up. I think I was about seven centimeters when they broke my waters and that obviously ramped things up because I was seven centimeters already. Yeah, that they did break them for me and I was fine with that. Actually, I was really comfortable with it because I, you know, made the decision based on the information at the time how long did you push for, like actively pushing?
Speaker 2:yeah, I can't remember, but I do remember it being longer than they would have liked, because they said to me, if you don't get him out on, I got out of the pool in the end because I was pushing in the pool and he wasn't coming.
Speaker 2:So then they changed my position and got me out onto the sofa and I remember them saying to me if you don't get him out within the next like five minutes, we're going to have to take you into hospital. And I think they said that because, say, one of the midwives was going to be, another wasn't another shift change. But I know one of the midwives was starting to get a bit more worried about, like, how long it had taken, and they they couldn't, because you get to a point where it's very then becomes quite difficult to read the baby's heart beat right because of the position they're in, and they started to feel a bit more conscious of that, I think. So they were saying to me, like you really need to work hard and get him out now, and I did lots of down breathing and, you know, did get him out like within the next push, and then everybody realized why he took so long, because he was gigantic and when you say gigantic, how big was he?
Speaker 2:he was 10 pound 8 that's a healthy size baby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when he came out and they put him on you, were you like? This kid is heavy.
Speaker 2:I remember thinking like he's so slimy. And I also remember I dropped it because I have just seen it on telly right, you watch birth on telly and the midwives put the babies on the mums and the babies just stay there, and so I didn't think I was so tired and I just didn't think about the fact that I'd have to hold him. So they put him on me and he just slipped down my tummy and I was like oh, and I remember like catching him and being like oh, I have to hold him. And he was so like limit, like he just he was so limmy and big, he wasn't this like tiny thing that you see, he just he took up the whole of my torso, like laying on me.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness like, yeah, it's amazing thinking back to like how amazing they are when they first come out into the world and they're just. He was very chill. He wasn't, you know, particularly stressed about his entry to the world. He was quite calm, which was really nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when he seemed he seemed good and healthy. So because he was a little big, did you have any complications with bleeding afterwards?
Speaker 2:yes. So I obviously birthed a placenta, which again is another thing that I didn't know I'd have to do, which seems mad, right, but they never show that bit on telly, people don't really talk about it. But I remember her being like so now you need to birth a placenta. And I was like, sorry, it's just that you need to push more. And I was like, no, I can't push anymore, I've been doing this for way too long, I'm tired. And, um, she's like, okay, just stand up then and we'll try and let gravity do its thing. And they gave me the injection to help speed it up. So, and I was okay with that again, that's a choice here. So I was like I was okay with it.
Speaker 2:Um, and it came out and she tried to catch it. It fell on the floor and left this huge bloodstain on my carpet. Um, but it's just one of those things. It was all funny. And then, um, and then I was bleeding a lot.
Speaker 2:So then then they realized that you know, they tied me. You know they were having a look and checking it up and tidying everything up and cleaning everything up, and then they realized that they couldn't really do what they needed to do at home because we were at home but they weren't like massively panicked. But I probably lost about one and a half liters of blood, so not heaps, but like enough to make them think you know I was losing blood. We should probably go to hospital so that we can get this sorted out and stitched up. I think it was a third degree tear. It was okay. We went to hospital and then my experience hospital was not so positive, unfortunately. Before I went to surgery it was really really awful and quite traumatic, but after that they were very kind to me how did you get to the hospital?
Speaker 1:did they call ambulance or did you go in your car?
Speaker 2:yeah, so they had an ambulance there like waiting for me outside, and I remember because the ambulance people came in and they also had a student with them, so they had two paramedics and then a student paramedic. So we had six medical professionals in our house and we don't have a particularly big house and we had a birth hall in there, right. So there wasn't much room and I was like delirious, like happy, but, like you know, delirious and covered in blood, and like just in my dressing gown they were like you need to walk out the ambulance. I remember being like what my neighbor's gonna think, like they just had me like howling, like mooing to the world, and now that I'm just like covered in blood, I think people say it's scary, but I didn't feel scared at all, like I felt really content and just like, yeah, this is the best thing, this is nice, people are caring for me, like I felt looked after.
Speaker 2:So it wasn't a bad thing. I went in the ambulance. I remember finding it quite difficult. I couldn't hold him in the ambulance. I wasn't allowed to because where I was losing blood he had to go in a car seat, um, and then my husband drove to hospital.
Speaker 1:He followed us up in the car and your baby stayed with you in the ambulance or with your husband. No, my baby said yes, he stayed with me in the ambulance all right, you had to get to the hospital, and who helped with the repair? Was it your midwife or was it a hospital employee?
Speaker 2:no. So then we went over to a sort of consultant like an obstetrician. Um, okay, we then go over to them. So he or she I think it was a he, but I think my husband said it was a she, I can't remember but basically they came in and checked how bad the tear was. So I arrived in hospital, got put in a like private room. They came in and checked, but I remember them when they were checking. It really really hurt and I asked them to stop and I was holding my son. I um, adjust, I just finished.
Speaker 2:I was in the middle of my psychology masters at this point so I was learning loads about brain development. I knew quite a lot about brain development anyway, but baby's brains and emotions and all sorts. And I remember having him in my arms and crying and then he started crying. I remember saying to them you're really hurting me, and now my baby's crying because you're hurting me. It was making me feel really emotional now and he, he was okay, but I was so worried that I was making his like beginning hours not great for him and I was in a lot of pain and they didn't stop and that's quite hard to process, like they should have listened to me and they didn't. And that's hard, that's hard to hear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sorry, it's okay, take a moment. I can imagine that it's hard for you to share, and I want to thank you for sharing because I want women to hear what's going on and how our actions affect other people. So thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2:That's okay. Thank you for listening to me and holding space for it.
Speaker 1:When you asked for them to stop, they did not stop, they just continued and repaired you, and then that was that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So she finished her like investigation she didn't stop and then when she'd finished like checking, she obviously stopped and then she said, okay, we need to go through surgery and they gave me a spinal block, um, to do the surgery. And they were really lovely in the theater, so like it did only get better from there, like they were so lovely. I remember them telling me that I had beautiful hair and thinking like how do I have beautiful hair? I must be like the sweatiest thing in the world. And they put music on and it was just a really happy place and they were all really chill and really like I felt really comfortable and really safe there. Like that was really lovely. And the anaesthetist yeah, just everyone was that I kind of interacted with. That was talking to me during the process was really I kind of interacted with. That was talking to me during the process was really really lovely. And then they transferred me around to kind of a recovery room again. I was on my own.
Speaker 2:Joss was looking after the baby at this point and then he came in with us after I had come out of surgery and then my son was sick.
Speaker 2:He was sick a few times and one of the like support, maternity support assistants spotted his sick on a muzzied. It was like bright yellow, but I didn't really think anything of it because I didn't know and he hadn't really opened his eyes much. And this is gonna sound really naive and like feel free to laugh at this point but I just thought that he they were like cats like because cats don't open their eyes when they're first born and I just kind of thought like maybe his eyes will start to open more as he gets bigger, I don't know um, so I hadn't really questioned it. Like he acted fine and like he had fed you know he'd breastfed, so he was alert and awake enough to do that. So I hadn't really thought much of it. But anyway, that this maternity, she took the muzzy and she took it to somebody else and they said oh, we think that's a sign of an infection or that something might be going on inside his tummy and I was like, right, okay.
Speaker 2:But obviously I'm knackered at this point. I haven't really slept. Like my labor started, like what, 10 o'clock the day before. I hadn't slept. We're now like 8 pm, 9 pm the following day. So I'm exhausted and miles away and I was just like okay. And then I remember I think we must have been more like 2 am by the time I come out of surgery.
Speaker 2:I remember my friend coming the next day and I remember them saying to me we need to, and Joss had gone home by this point, I think, to make sure the house was sorted out. And I remember them saying you know, he was there when they told us this that they needed to take him downstairs or to a different hospital to check him. And we were at a hospital which has a really brilliant NICU ward, like a really really brilliant neonatal care facility, and they took him in this like it looked like a pod, like a like a rocket ship pod, it was like a travel incubator and they took him to the main hospital. So from our building to the main hospital in this like travel incubator thing and they put loads of tubes down his throat and like had to check his tummy hadn't flipped, and I just remember being like miles away. Yeah, I don't know what's going on, but I just need him to be okay, like I wasn't worried at any point. I don't know, I haven't really thought about it till now. This is a lot more emotional I'm sorry than I thought it would be. I feel like there's a lot more that I haven't really thought about than more to it. I think I was so proud of birthing such a gorgeous, beautiful big baby and we'd had such a brilliant birth.
Speaker 2:I was probably on a bit of a high from that and I just watched them do the put these tubes down his throat and it was awful. My friend was cuddling me and saying like he'll be okay, like they'll check him and he'll be fine, like they'll make him better, he's in the best place, and they took him away and I couldn't see him and they just said to go back up to my room. They'd given me a private room which was really lovely. I wasn't on a ward and that was really kind of them. They were really, really lovely to me and they said just go back up and we'll let you know when he's back.
Speaker 2:And I remember I don't know what time it was it's a bit like, you know, when you're like so overtired that you just feel like you're on another planet. I just didn't know really what was going on around me. And I remember showering and then them saying I remember them saying I showered and I think I remember them coming up and saying, oh, you can come and get him now. But I was. So I don't know if I was in shock, I don't know where I was, but it took me. They came back like three more times to say you can come and get him now. And then I think I'd left like an hour ago past, after they'd first told me, because I just wasn't aware of the time and I was on my own, and I think then Joss came back and he was there with me I can't really remember and we went and got him and his tummy hadn't flipped, he just had an infection and he was going to be put on antibiotics for hopefully three days, but ended up being five.
Speaker 2:So we were, we were kept in for five days with him being on antibiotics, with this little like IV in his hand and this little like splint on his arm to keep the IV in, so he didn't pull out, keep his arm straight, and we went with him every time he was given any antibiotics. There were lots of other babies that were having the same treatment as him, but we were the only parents that went every time he had his antibiotics given to him. I didn't leave him. No one could take him away from me. I didn't let anyone after that time. I didn't let anyone take him or like see him without me being with him.
Speaker 2:I was quite like, keen to keep close to him, but we saw it as a real gift being kept in hospital for those five days because obviously we planned to be at home, but we, because we were at hospital, people could come and visit us and they had a broken off space. They were coming in to see us in a different space, which was really nice. They kind of didn't break our bubble, we didn't have to host them, which I think is a lot of pressure that gets put on people after they've had babies. They fed me and kept me showered and clean and looked after me, so actually I was really well cared for after my stitches.
Speaker 2:I had time to heal and to recover slowly and they kept really close eyes on both of us. It meant joss could go home and take our washing home and wash it, and he could rest too and recover, because obviously he hadn't really slept either, um, and he could eat properly and look after himself and get some space, which I think so important. Like the men, if you are, or birth partners whoever you have supporting you does so much to support you during your birth and they don't get the hormones or the you know, the same, maybe view from other people. They need time and space to to recover and to re-energize and be ready for what the next day holds for the newborn. So, yeah, we were quite lucky really that we were in those five days.
Speaker 1:I appreciate your saying you bring attention to birth partners resting and rehabilitating, especially if there's a little bit of trauma to the mom, because it's overwhelming. It's very overwhelming for them. It's somebody that they love and there's a new baby coming in, so I appreciate that you bring that up, that we also need to hold space for partners to recover also yeah, I think it gets missed quite often that they are going through something big too. Yeah, absolutely so. Five days passed, everything was good, discharged home. How was going back home?
Speaker 2:yeah, it was exciting.
Speaker 2:We had this onesie that we'd bought. We were so like adamant he was going to be in it. It was from this lovely shop and it had these embroidered rainbow stars on it. It was beautiful. We put him in it but like honestly, it obviously didn't fit him. So he's all this like scrunched up baby, like squashed into this onesie. But it was like we were like we're getting him in it. We wore it home, I think, and then obviously we took it off him. But it was so exciting to get home.
Speaker 2:It was just like a breath of fresh air, like going into our space with this little baby. You know, we'd only been two and now we were three in our home and like we just cuddled on the sofa and sat and we said no to visitors. You were quite clear like we don't want people over now, like we just want to settle for at least a week just the three of us, so we can really find our feet. We just I just remember a lot of he was so sick like I don't know if it was because of the tube stuff or whatever, but he was just sick like constantly, you know, 30 times a day.
Speaker 2:He was just sick, but he was happy and he was growing, so no one was concerned. He wasn't poorly, he was just just threw up all happy and he was growing, so no one was concerned, he wasn't poorly, he was just just threw up all his milk all the time um was breastfed, but he didn't matter how much. That's the other thing, right, he was massive. Like feeding a gigantic baby and holding a gigantic baby is quite hard work, breastfeeding wise, and he required a lot of milk. So, yeah, he was fed a lot. Remember, if all, I think all I did was feed him, I just felt like a cow.
Speaker 1:After your son was born, did you all just decide to take some time before thinking about baby number two, or were you like that was amazing. I want to go and do that again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I loved I absolutely loved giving birth to him, but I absolutely loved being just a mummy of one and I also found the adjustment to motherhood quite challenging. Like I loved him and I loved everything he brought to me. But I really struggled with the identity shift. Like I didn't realize that because I've been a nanny for years, I'd looked after hundreds of children and I've worked with kids my whole life and everyone always said to me which I don't think really helped, to be honest but like you'll be an amazing mom. And then when I had him, they were like oh, you know what you're doing, like you're going to be fine, you've got this. And I just felt this intense, huge pressure to be an incredible mom to him and I like didn't know where I fit in society anymore. Like there was a huge identity shift and it took me a long time to rediscover myself in motherhood and to understand who I was and how I showed up in the world when I had this small human I was now responsible for. But also he was full of life. Like he didn't stop. He started talking at 16 months and he just didn't stop. He was everything and anything. He wanted to be everywhere and all the places all of the time and understand everything that's going on in the world. So he took so much of our attention and then we knew we wanted more babies. We've always wanted more babies and we were like I was a student midwife so I was seeing babies obviously all the time.
Speaker 2:At this point, for a few years past, I was loving, you know, being involved in pregnancy and birth, and I just think it's a real privilege to be a part of someone's labor and delivery. I just think it's, it's huge and pregnancy, to be honest, and I think it's a real gift and a huge responsibility and a really nice place to be and I loved it and I saw all of these women giving birth and it just was like I need to be pregnant again, like this is beautiful. And Ozzy was asking for a baby. You know he loves other kids. He's loved like he'd have 15 we have 15 children if it was by him. He was desperate. So you know we were just felt like the right time he was going to start school. He was how was he? So? There's about three year age gap between them, so it was another year before he started school, but there was some time. You know he was bigger. We were out of COVID, it just felt like a good time.
Speaker 1:You want to talk us through your second pregnancy. Was it pretty similar or was it a little different?
Speaker 2:I think I definitely felt more sick in the first bit with my daughter. We got pregnant quite quickly again and, yeah, I definitely felt quite sick in the first bit with her. I wasn't as big this time, but also because I'd been flagged in the system as having a big baby okay. So that made things a little more challenging and I was a student midwife at the time, which was fortunate actually, because it meant I got to hear her heartbeat really early and whenever I wanted, because I was at the hospital all the time. It was amazing like I loved being pregnant with her. She was beautiful, she grew beautifully, it was comfortable. I was very lucky. I had a very positive experience and I was. I had all the obviously all the standard aches and pains. I had a bit of pelvic girdle pain. I, you know I say my pregnancies were beautiful and they were because I got to grow human. But that does sort of diminish the fact that it is exhausting and it is hard work and you are tired and you can't do much. But I just really allowed myself to lean into that and gave myself space to be, you know, more chilled and to not rush everywhere and to sit down because I needed to, but also to redecorate my house, because that's what everyone seems to do when they're pregnant. Did you opt for another home birth? So I did with her. That was the plan. But I'd watched so many women get um epidurals in hospital and just like, have a relief in across their faces. I'd seen and and have some really positive births from having an epidural. I'd seen some go not so positively but I was, you know, I was happy with the idea.
Speaker 2:I had this really intense hip pain when I was at home which I just couldn't shift. Ozzy remembers my son. He remembers being collected by my mum about half five in the morning. So I started labouring in the night this time and it was much quicker. It was probably about 2am I started labouring and I remember Joss went downstairs and he just cooked this massive bowl of pasta again and he honestly must have cooked like 500 grams of pasta and I ate like four mouthfuls of it. I remember I was in the lounge and he would, aussie, walk past me and he always says to me oh, mummy, you were sleeping on the sofa and you were going to give, giving birth to panda, and it's lovely that he saw me and saw the calm and then I had this hip pain. I couldn't shift it, couldn't shift it and it was so painful. I knew from having Aussie that it wasn't to do with my labor, like it wasn't a labor pain, it was. It was painful, whereas I didn't find labor pain the same kind. I found it like achy, not pain, okay. So then I remember the phone, the hospital, saying look I'm. I remember being really confident, almost on the edge of too confident, and saying to just call the labor line, because that's how it works here. You call the labor line, you say I'm in labor and they say I'll come on in. They ask you, you know what's going on. And they say come on in. And I said to them say to them that I'm not in labour, because I know I'm not in labour, I'm fine, I've just got this really uncomfortable hip pain and I would like an epidural to help with the hip pain. And can I come in for that reason? And they said, yeah, come in, come see us and we'll see where you're at and we'll see what we can do to help.
Speaker 2:Was there Libby, who is an incredible midwife and woman. She's just a powerhouse, she's just incredible. She's so kind, so pro-women, she's everything you'd want to be in a midwife. And she was there and she doesn't work in a hospital, she's a community midwife. But she was doing a supernumerary shift in the hospital. So she happened to be there and she was free.
Speaker 2:She had set my room up because she knew I wanted a home birth and she had set the room up with like twinkly lights and like the projector on and like lovely music and like made it all dark and she just cuddled me so tight and I remember cuddling her and just crying and being like, oh my God, I'm so happy you're here, I'm being so happy to see her. And she got me into the room and she just asked I said I've got this pain. I, she just asked. I said I've got this pain, I just can't go to it. She said, okay, where is it? And I showed her and she said, okay, put your foot up on this stool and then just let you know, let your next contraction happen, we'll see what happens.
Speaker 2:And it went like obviously her head was pressing something funny or whatever, but it went like she moved and it went in the next contraction. So the hip pain had gone but because I've got it in my head that I was going to have an epidural. I was still like, right, libby, get me an epidural, like I'm having it. You know I've made that decision. Now it's happening. She was like, fine, I just need to like check how far along you are first, really, because we need to know that if we're going to give you an epidural. And I was like, okay, but I hadn't had any one check so far, and and then she did and I don't know, this is okay to share with like the public world. She did the typical midwife thing where she was just like I'm gonna get them.
Speaker 2:I'm definitely gonna get them going. I'm gonna go get them now. And he was busy, to be fair, the um anaesthetist to do the epidural, but I think I just wasn't a priority because she told me afterwards I was already eight and a half centimeters so I wasn't getting enough. But she obviously needed to please me and not let me shout at her and be like why is it not happening? So she just kept being like they're coming, they're gonna be there soon. I love it. And I literally gave birth to her. Like what? We got there at like uh, maybe half eight, and I gave birth to her by 10 o'clock. Okay, you know she was coming, I was, I just it.
Speaker 2:My delivery with her was beautiful. I was on all fours on the bed, I caught her myself, no one touched me and I I delivered her. I just brought her off my chest and rolled over and cuddled her and it was wonderful. That's so beautiful, that's amazing. It was really, really lovely.
Speaker 2:I think the fortunate thing was because I was issued at midwife, I could really be really clear with what I wanted, and I think that's the one thing I'd say to women is be you know, get your confidence, be really clear with what your body's telling you and what you want, because they were conscious of her heartbeat, as they always are when you're moving around a lot and it's harder to read. But I knew in my body she was coming and I knew confidently that I was going to give birth to her and she was going to be okay. They did try to put a IV in, I think, because I'd said about the epidural and they need to put one in for your epidural in my wrist, but I was so sweaty it was like 30 degrees in this room and I it just kept coming out because I was really sweaty and I remember them saying, just, I just said to them just leave it because she's coming out, so just leave it because I'm going to be fine. And then they did. But I think if I didn't have the confidence in that space, I would have let them carry on and I think that could have disrupted the flow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, but it was beautiful. I did a hundred times over. It felt amazing and I think to lots of people that's going to sound crazy, but it was just. It was incredible. The whole experience like it was beautiful and she was delicious and wonderful how about bleeding?
Speaker 1:did you have any bleeding or tearing because of your first?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I did tear again and because of my first experience of them looking to check, I was really adamant they weren't going to look like even look to check how bad the tear was. I said to them like you're not, you can check, but I need to have a spinal for you to check. Because it was too traumatic last time and again I haven't really held onto that. And they said, well, we don't know if we're going to have space and you know it might not work out and we can't just give you an episode. And I said, well, I'm not, you're not checking.
Speaker 2:Otherwise, like I was very, you know, I did have to really put my foot down and I let Libby have a brief look. I just really didn't want that experience that I had last time and they took me into theatre and they did stitch me up. They probably didn't need to have done it in theatre but because I'd had my past experiences, they were very kind and they did accommodate me, which I was very fortunate for, which probably meant my recovery was a little bit longer because obviously I'd had the spinal, but actually I enjoyed the lay down.
Speaker 1:You did have a spinal for the recovery for your second.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did, but only because I'd had my previous experience, not because I really needed it. I think it was only a second degree tear, so it could have been done by the midwife. I'm very grateful they did and I hope talking about it means that more people feel confident to say and to put their foot down and say and make it clear what they need in that moment and to express how they're feeling and how they if they feel safe or unsafe and make that clear how long were you in the hospital for recovery before you went home?
Speaker 2:um, I just had to wait till my legs came back. Really, I think I think we were, I don't know. I think we were in till like 11, 12 o'clock midnight that night. So we were in, because I remember ordering takeaway to the hospital. I remember being transferred third round to the ward and then ordering takeaway and we had wagamamas, which was great because we love wagamamas um, and my husband and I being, yeah, just saying any wagamamas and then we got discharged, I think about midnight that night. The midwives were quite keen to get me home because I was fine, like I was, you know, recovering well and I've been okay, and Ozzy was staying at um my parents, so he was all right, he was sorted, and it was nice to be in a little bubble and just have the three of us come home and tuck up into bed when we got home curious as to what is Wagamamas it's a noodle restaurant.
Speaker 2:It's like they do like noodles and um like curries and stuff and I love like I love their noodle dishes. They did like a really good yeah, a really good um like pad thai okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then how was little Ozzy meeting his baby sister?
Speaker 2:he came to the hospital to meet her, actually when I'm still in the labor ward, so when I was still recovering my legs were a bit dead still and he came in and we've got a video of him coming in and seeing her and he just like, well, actually I was eating chocolate cookies at the time he came in and he looked at her and he was so happy to see her. And then he looked at my cookies and he was like, can I have a cookie? I was like, is that what you're excited about? And then he had a cookie and he was so excited about having this cookie. But he was so happy to see her and he he loved her, like he, you know, he we'd we've done a lot of preparation with him having a baby sister and he was excited to have her and I think he was surprised she didn't play enough, um, but he was three, so like that's pretty normal, isn't it like?
Speaker 2:But yeah, he was happy to be there and then, and then he came. He must have come home the next day, but to be honest with you, I don't remember much after that, yeah, those first days feels like six weeks postpartum, right after a baby, is such a blur.
Speaker 1:Looking back on your two births and your late births, what are you most proud of?
Speaker 2:Like my body, like my voice, my power, my babies. The fact that they are strong, beautiful, beauty things that are in the world, the fact that my body could do it and that my body made them, was incredible. My husband was like an incredible support. He just was an absolute rock. He, he advocated for me, he heard me, he gave me space, he cared for me, he put me on a pedestal like. He made me feel like a princess and he did, did everything he could to help look after our little creatures. But, yeah, my voice, the fact that I could understand what I needed and make myself heard, yeah, I think it's an incredible thing that women do. I think any woman that's not just any woman that's given birth, but any woman that's held a child for a long time and they're their child, whether you've adopted or not, being a mother is an incredible, amazing feat and I think it's inspiring all women that give birth and however which way they do it, however which way that child enters their life, I think it's incredible.
Speaker 1:Well, katie, thank you so much for taking the time to sit down and open up with us and be vulnerable and to share your story so that together, we can heal, grow and learn. So thank you very much, thank you so much for listening to me and having me.
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