Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
The Maternal Wealth Podcast creates a collective space for sharing all birth-related stories. I want to acknowledge birth's uniqueness, honor its variations, and remind us of the power we hold in giving birth.
As a Labor and Delivery Nurse, I see the impact of our stories. Let's share those stories with those who come after us to prepare them for what's to come. For those who came before us, allowing them to reminisce and heal as we realize we were not alone in our experiences.
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Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
Breaking the Cycle: Navigating Maternal Healthcare as Your Own Advocate & an Unexpected Home Birth
What happens when healthcare providers don't believe your experience? For licensed marriage and family therapist Reesa Morala, it meant months of unnecessary dietary restrictions, postpartum pain, and a desperate struggle to feed her firstborn son.
Reesa's journey through motherhood began with a doctor who insisted she had gestational diabetes despite normal test results, simply based on her appearance and family background. The anxiety this created was so overwhelming that Reesa lost 30 pounds below her pre-pregnancy weight. But the challenges didn't end there. For a whole year after birth, she endured excruciating pain from improper stitching that multiple providers dismissed until one finally recognized the scar tissue that needed treatment. Meanwhile, her son mysteriously stopped eating at three months old, resulting in Reesa having to hand-express milk into his sleeping mouth.
Then came her second pregnancy, resulting in an unexpected home birth when labor progressed so rapidly that there was no time to reach the hospital. Finding herself alone in her bathroom, Reesa delivered her baby into just an inch of bathwater moments before first responders arrived. The stark contrast between her two birth experiences – especially how differently she healed physically – solidified her understanding of how profoundly provider care impacts maternal outcomes.
These transformative experiences redirected Reesa's professional path. Having witnessed firsthand how parents' needs often go unaddressed until crisis hits, she founded Embrace Renewal Therapy and Wellness Collective to provide preventative support through couples counseling, intensive weekend retreats, and specialized workshops. Her mission became clear: help parents prioritize their own well-being and relationships as the foundation for family health.
Whether you're struggling to be heard by medical providers, navigating the complex transitions of parenthood, or seeking to strengthen your relationship under the pressures of family life, Reesa's authentic story offers both validation and hope. Sometimes the most powerful healing comes from someone who's walked through the fire and returned to light the way for others.
If you would like to contact Reesa Morala, please see her contact information below.
instagram.com/embrace.renewal.therapy
tiktok.com/@embrace.renewal.therapy
Music Credit
https://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/trendsetter
https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/summer-bumble
https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/afterparty
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Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space for all things related to maternal health, pregnancy and beyond. I'm your host, stephanie Terrio. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and a mother to three beautiful boys. Each week, we dive into inspiring stories and expert insights to remind us of the power that you hold in childbirth and motherhood. We're here to explore the joys, the challenges and the complexities of maternal health. Every mother's journey is unique and every story deserves to be told. Please note that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider for medical guidance that is tailored to your specific needs. Are you ready? Let's get into it. Today. We welcome Risa Morala. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Located in California, she owns Embrace Renewal Therapy and Wellness Collective. Let's welcome Risa Morala.
Reesa Morala:Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Stephanie Theriault:Thank you so much for being here. I would love to start off the episode learning about yourself before you became a parent.
Reesa Morala:Yes, so myself before I became a therapist, I was actually. I got my bachelor's degree in musical theater. Surprisingly enough, and through my own journey, kind of at the end of my time getting my bachelor's degree, I had a medical diagnosis that kind of took me out of that world, forced me to go back to the drawing board, figure out what my plan B was. Prior to that, though, I was born and raised kind of all over the world lots of different countries that I lived in and states that I've lived in so kind of all over the place I grew up. I'm Filipino American, so there's lots of stuff there as far as just a little bit about my background and kind of the home environment that I grew up in Definitely was a little bit more of a chaotic home environment, which I think has really influenced my current focus as well and my specialties that I do now as a therapist.
Stephanie Theriault:So, essentially, were you having the idea of becoming a marriage and family therapist prior to having children?
Reesa Morala:Yes, so I was actually at the end of my degree when I was pregnant.
Stephanie Theriault:Yeah, I love a good love story. Would you share with us how you and your partner met?
Reesa Morala:Yes, my story is probably a little bit different than the version he likes to tell, but I find that that happens a lot. We met in undergrad and he was my orientation leader my freshman year, okay, and we actually didn't start dating until he had graduated. But we had lots of run-ins with each other, really random awkward run-ins, and then the most awkward was when he came back. I actually later became an orientation leader myself, so I kind of took his position once he graduated orientation leader myself.
Reesa Morala:So I kind of took his position once he graduated, okay, and he came back just to visit for one of the campus events that we were doing during orientation and there was a person.
Reesa Morala:I was going around checking the tables and there was a person who was just very awkward and said something that was incredibly uncomfortable for the whole table and I said, okay, well, you know, I'm going to go now, cause I it was very awkward for me and my now husband was like, oh, my car is that way, I'm going to, I'm just going to walk you, okay. And he is a talker, and so this is an Illinois and I am generally. That was the coldest place I had ever lived in my life and I'd grown up in warmer island climate. This was in the middle of winter and he just kept talking and talking, and talking. And I was at my dorm already and I said it's way too cold out here and he's just continuing to talk and I felt really bad. So I was like, did you want to come up, because I'm really cold? And we continued to talk till 5am the next morning and we've been together ever since.
Stephanie Theriault:Did you always know that you wanted to be a mom?
Reesa Morala:Yes, I was one of those folks that I'd been told a lot growing up oh, you'd be such a great mother. I think some of that came. As I mentioned, I grew up in a chaotic kind of home environment and I was in this really interesting dynamic because I have two older siblings, but they're much older than me and much older than my younger siblings because my younger siblings are much younger than me. So I was kind of right smack in the middle by myself a little bit. So I was with my older siblings as a younger child, but then they left the house and then I became the older sibling for my younger siblings that were born later, once my older ones left.
Reesa Morala:And during that period with my younger siblings there was a lot of abuse that was going on in the home physical abuse, emotional abuse and so I definitely found myself kind of taking on that protector role for my younger siblings and so that was very much kind of innately something. That's a role that I took on really young and just kind of continued. I ended up continuing to work with kids, even in my therapy career, for the first half of my career was working with kids, because I had always worked with kids and people would always tell me, oh, you'd be such a great mother, and so I'd always had it in my head that, oh well, I'm told that this is something I'm good at, so this is what I should do, this is my next path, and that's what society tells you. You get married, you have kids, all these things, and so I was definitely kind of a rule follower in that way, and so I don't think that I ever knew an idea of not having children 11 and 9.
Stephanie Theriault:And would you share with us did you plan for your pregnancies? Was it a surprise pregnancy? And then, how was your first pregnancy?
Reesa Morala:I did plan for these pregnancies. I was very fortunate in the fact that it happened quicker than maybe I anticipated it, because I was prepared. You hear a lot that it can take a while. So mine was planned because of my own personal medical. I was on medications that aren't good for having children, and so it was a conscious choice to kind of titrate myself off of those medications so that I could be able to start having, or at least start trying to have, kids. And I was incredibly fortunate that after I actually stopped my medication within the next cycle I was pregnant.
Reesa Morala:And I remember when I found out that I was pregnant because, again, we were trying. So it was one of those things where I was consistently looking and tracking and, okay, is this it? And I remember my husband. He travels a lot for work and so it was one of his business trips that he was out of town for. So I was by myself when I found out. And I remember because they would, I remember reading that, oh, the best time to take a pregnancy is for, you know, first thing in the morning kind of deal, and so I would set a pregnancy test on the toilet seat just to remind me, you know, when I got up, and for whatever reason, that particular day I got up really early I'm talking like 3 am in the morning, and then I saw the pregnancy test and I was like, oh well, technically this is first thing in the morning, okay, and sure enough, it was positive. So I didn't go back to sleep. Nonetheless, at 3 am in the morning there was no way I was going back to sleep for that, and so I was up just waiting for it. My husband was coming back into town that day and I was like, oh my gosh, I need, like I need to tell him, I want to tell the person, and so that was kind of how, how that all happened. And then, moving forward, the rest of my pregnancy, I was, I felt like I was doing really good.
Reesa Morala:Again, being a rule follower, I was reading all of the books. I was not one of those folks that liked to read kind of the fluffier books. I wanted hard, cold facts. And maybe that's because, again, what I do, there's a science to my job now and so I wanted the hard science. So I was reading the big Mayo Clinic give me all the facts. And so if I'm going to go into this. I want to know exactly what to expect, and so I was doing all the things, following all of the recommendations. I don't think I've ever eaten better in my life than when I was pregnant, because, again, it wasn't about me, it was about this other person. So you're telling me I have to like chug down a kale smoothie and chunks and all that. I was going to do it because that's what, you know, they would say is best for my baby.
Reesa Morala:Kind of the bump started for me in my pregnancy journey when I went for my gestational diabetes test and because I'm Filipino, american and I have a high history family history at least of diabetes, that the doctor that I was seeing, even though my test came back under the marks, even though my test came back under the marks, I was like no, she just looked at me based on looks, and I don't want to say that I've always been, I've never been a bone-thin kind of person, if that makes sense. I was never necessarily completely overweight, but I think that when people see me, they don't think skinny, if you will. And so she was looking at me and, even though the numbers were saying something, she's looking at the way that I look, she's looking at the fact that my family has a history of diabetes inside. No, I don't care what the tests say, you have to follow this track, go see a doctor, an endocrinologist, for this, and it needs to be monitored and you need to kind of take on this new protocol. And so I was going to the specialist and even he was looking at me and going well, your numbers aren't saying this. I don't know what your doctor is wanting from me. So just keep doing what you're doing and I guess check your blood sugars. And that's all we can really do is just make doing what you're doing and I guess check your blood sugars, and that's all we can really do is just make sure you've got it. And so at that point again, hearing that and hearing this doctor tell me well, this must be an issue.
Reesa Morala:Again, going back to the fact that that protector in me is very, very strong from, like I said, from childhood, I was kind of immediately sent into just high anxiety and very, almost very rigid because, okay, they're telling me that I could harm my baby, and so there was just tons of fear, tons of anxiety that was just laced in. It was overly kind of checking everything and why I can't eat that because they say that that's going to make it worse, and just the amount of fear that this doctor kind of instilled in me. It was really crippling. So much so that, because of how stringent I had become out of this fear that, you know, this doctor was trying to tell me I was going to hurt my baby, if you will, and hurt myself in that way that after I had the baby I had lost about 30 pounds from my starting weight before I got pregnant. Because of how much I was just strapped in and just so fearful that I was going to do the wrong thing.
Stephanie Theriault:So when you had the glucose screen, the labs came back normal and even with the normal labs, the doctor still sent you to endo for further follow-up. That's what you're saying. Yes, did you continue testing your sugars also throughout the pregnancy and they were normal and everything was fine.
Reesa Morala:Yes.
Stephanie Theriault:Wow yeah.
Reesa Morala:I kept because, again, I was trying to do the right thing. I kept food logs. I was testing my sugars. They were all coming back normal. I never once took any medications.
Reesa Morala:My you know the endocrinologist. He would just be like, okay, what are your numbers? He'd be like it all looks good. I don't know what else to tell you, but because I don't know what this other doctor, your OB, wants, just keep doing what you're doing, I guess. And that was it.
Reesa Morala:I remember my endocrinologist appointments. They were so fast I was in and out of there all the time because there was nothing to do and so I was just like, well, okay, I guess I have to just keep doing this. And so I had to. You know, they made me increase my OB appointments. I had to do the non-stress tests for like the last month or two. I can't remember. Sorry, it was like 11 years ago. I'm trying to remember now. But I had to do the non-stress tests. I mean the whole thing because and she kept, I remember her measuring my belly and the amount of times that she'd be like, oh my gosh, you're getting too big, you're getting too big, and just it would. It scared me as a first time parent. This is my first child and I was trying so hard to do it right, if you will.
Stephanie Theriault:Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Coming from the perspective of a labor and delivery nurse and being at bedside with my patients and hearing in your voice how this affected you, hearing it in your story, I want to say I'm sorry that happened to you. I wish you, I wish you had a relationship with a birth provider that was able to support you more in giving you the accurate information and the support that you needed. I'm curious how much did he weigh when he was born?
Reesa Morala:He was gosh. You're going to test me now. He was under seven pounds.
Stephanie Theriault:Under seven pounds. Okay, yeah, that is difficult to hear.
Reesa Morala:I was just going to say he was small, so much so that the doctor so that same doctor was the one that delivered him and she did an. Audibly. He's a lot smaller than I thought he was going to be as she delivered him Because of again in her mind he was going to be huge, based off of how I was measuring, based off of her preconceived kind of notions about me and the way that I looked. That she she did, I remember, because, like he was, he was tiny. The biggest thing on him was his head. He was a 99 percentile for his head circumference, so that was the biggest, and the rest of his body, I mean, even now, he's always been on the low end, like it's work to get him onto a growth chart. That's how small he is and that's been his whole life.
Stephanie Theriault:We pause this episode for a quick message from our sponsor. At Maternal Wealth. We aim to ensure that you have access to the best and the most appropriate care. That's why we created a maternal healthcare provider database. Maternal health providers can easily create profiles to promote their services and business, helping to increase access for those seeking their care. This is a one-of-a-kind database that offers a new and exciting way for women to search for and find maternal health providers near them and tailored to their specific needs. Profiles feature badges that highlight various services, such as TODAC, friendly practices, all-female practices, LGBTQAI plus inclusivity, language options, access to vaginal breach services and, more Additionally, be sure to check out our Not your Average Birth course. In this course, I discuss the variations that exist in hospital practices based on policies, staffing and budgets, all of which can directly affect your birth experience and outcome. Did they induce you or did you go into labor?
Reesa Morala:So I was scheduled to be induced that evening at 6 pm. He arrived at4 pm that same day and so they had scheduled me because again, they were saying you're getting so huge, he has to come out, this is getting dangerous. And that's the evening before I was supposed to go in is when official labor started.
Stephanie Theriault:The practice that you were being seen prenatally. Was it a private practice where there was just one OB, or was it a practice in which there were multiple OBs that you rotated through?
Reesa Morala:Multiple OBs that I rotated through.
Stephanie Theriault:And then, when the day that you went into labor, it just happened to be the day that this particular doctor was on.
Reesa Morala:Yes, it was incredibly upsetting for me.
Stephanie Theriault:I can imagine.
Reesa Morala:Yeah.
Stephanie Theriault:How was the delivery and the pushing? Did you push for a while or because of his size, he kind of just slid on out?
Reesa Morala:Yeah, it was really interesting how it happened. So I was actually having fairly strong contractions for about two weeks leading up to actual active labor. And I say that because, since I was doing the non-stress test, there were multiple times where they saw them while I was strapped up to the machine and they were like, oh yeah, that's a legit contraction, it's more than just like a Braxton Hicks, and I was having those for about two weeks leading up. So when things got moving, if you will, they moved fairly fast. I remember that my so one of my chronic illnesses does put a lot of stress on my body, and so my blood pressure was starting to go up.
Reesa Morala:Once I was in the hospital and that same doctor kept coming in and saying well, I think that this is going to be dangerous for babies, because at that point I had been doing it with no medications, and they said I think that you need to get an epidural. I was at first saying I can do this, I'm capable, I can do this. And they were saying, no, your blood pressure is going too high, you need to do an epidural. And so again, they start throwing out this could hurt baby, as I mentioned very much protector. So I'm like okay, well, if you're telling me that this is what I need to do for baby, then fine, let's do it. And so the person who was giving me my epidural stuck me about five times and couldn't get it Finally said they got it but it wasn't working. I could feel everything. I told them I could move, and they're like oh well, give it some time, give it some time. Well, meanwhile he's coming.
Reesa Morala:And so I told the nurse that was with me. I said I feel like I need to push. And so she, she was like okay, well, let's see, let's see. And she's like well, yeah, you know, you're completely dilated, which she was a little bit surprised about, cause I had only been there, like I said, for a short amount of time and they had just given me the epidural at this point, as far as it finally quote unquote was in. And she was like okay, let's try it.
Reesa Morala:And I was able to get a push that she said that's exactly it. If you can do that, he'll be out, no problem. And I said, okay, well, since I know what it feels, I can still feel everything. Let me do that again. And so I did only maybe a couple more pushes and she was like okay, I need you to hold on, I need to go get the doctor. I said okay, and so then the doctor came in and again preconceived notion. She was like no way Is she ready. She just got in here and so she goes to check and double check the nurse's work. Didn't believe the nurse. And then I pushed again and she was like whoa, hang on a second. And she was like quit, gown herself and within just a couple more pushes he was out. It wasn't until after he was out that the epidural kicked in.
Reesa Morala:Okay, so then, after you were just epiduralized for your postpartum recovery, yes, yes, and unfortunately not only did this provider I have that experience with her kind of leading up to it but the way that she stitched me up I had significant scarring tissue that required oh gosh, I can't remember where they do the swabbing to kind of burn it off, if you will. I had to do that for the next year.
Stephanie Theriault:So how did you know that you had the scarring? What kind of symptoms were you having?
Reesa Morala:next year. So how did you know that you had the scarring? What kind of symptoms were you having? I had significant pain even just with sitting down Any tight pants, jeans. I was in tears, I could not. Having sex was just a nightmare, and my child also ended up having some health issues, as far as he stopped eating at three months old, and I think again, some of that was because doctors weren't listening to me to intervene sooner before we got to the place where he stopped eating. So at that point the only way that I was able to get food into him is I had to do kind of a. What I now know is maybe kind of a very, very rough version of dream feed which had me kind of I had to rock him because he wouldn't take a bottle, he wouldn't take breast, he wouldn't take formula and nothing, just would not eat.
Stephanie Theriault:Okay.
Reesa Morala:And so I had to essentially get him to the point where he was about to fall asleep, where his automatic kind of functions would take over and he would latch, and then get him to fall asleep so that he wouldn't resist eating, and I would hand express milk into him while he slept. And so I generally did that in a rocking chair, trying to keep him asleep while I hand expressed milk into him, and so that was sitting, and so I would just be in excruciating pain from sitting and the scar tissue pain, because I don't have a baby that's participating in the eating. So I was doing all the work and trying to do it while he was sleeping, so the whole sleep when baby sleeps. I couldn't do that because I had to feed him while he slept and so it was awful, and then I would go into the appointments to do the treatment, if you will. I mean, it was just, it was painful and, like I said, I had to do multiples of those, to the point that they were saying, if it doesn't get any better, we might have to recut you and try to sew it back up.
Reesa Morala:Part of the reason why that I know that it was more, in my opinion at least that it was more on the provider side and less me is because with my second child so with that sew up, if you will at that point my epidural had already kicked in, so I wasn't moving.
Reesa Morala:There wasn't any of that versus my second child.
Reesa Morala:So he was a surprise home birth, and then I got rushed to the hospital via ambulance and so by the time I got to the doctor and I got sewn up with my second child, I didn't have the epidural for sure, and all of the adrenaline from having a baby had worn off, so I could feel every.
Reesa Morala:They tried to give me some numbing but, truth be told, it really didn't do much for me, and so I could feel every single stitch and it was probably one of the hardest things, even harder than having the child by myself, for my second kid was trying to sit still because I knew and I was so fearful I was going to get scar tissue again that I was trying to hold still while someone was sewing up my most delicate parts and I had no scar tissue, I had the healing on. That was just night and day, and so the fact that I was the same person and the circumstances. Like I said I could feel everything and I had to just grin and bear it, trying not to move, even though my whole body wanted to jump out and be like stop doing this. The provider was still able to do of do her thing. With my second son. It was completely different provider and, like I said, my recovery and the scarring it wasn't there with my second one.
Stephanie Theriault:Do you remember if they gave you a grade for your tearings, like a first, second or third degree tear or a fourth?
Reesa Morala:Honestly, I don't know that. I'm sorry birth.
Stephanie Theriault:Honestly, I don't know that. I'm sorry, that's okay. I'm just curious. Regardless your story, I'm imagining you in a rocking chair feeding your child. Who is resisting nutrition? Right, it's an innate urge that we have to feed our child. So you're sitting there, you're having the pain in your vagina, you're trying to feed your child. You have the physical, the emotional, everything, the innate urge. It's just, it's a lot. So I feel for you, imagining you in those postpartum months. It's a lot.
Reesa Morala:It was. It definitely took a toll and, like I said, I think part of the piece that made it more difficult is that I had a lot of those medical professionals who didn't seem to hear me and didn't seem to hear that there was something seriously going on here and was writing it off on again. I'm a first-time parent, I'm just acting dramatic whatever inserts opinion about me here and so I think that for me just intensified the loneliness of of being in it and being so hard.
Stephanie Theriault:At what point did a provider listen to you and check down there and see that there was something clinically going on that needed treatment?
Reesa Morala:Um, it took, I want to say, a few months into after postpartum, and it was one of the other rotating doctors that I had had a good experience with, but I would only have her once, every kind of blue moon it felt like, and so it didn't take until she came in and I expressed the same thing that I had been expressing for those several months, that she was like you know, let's, let's take a look. And so then, after that, um, she started. She was the one that was treating me and doing the treatments, um, for the rest of the time, and so I didn't rotate anymore at that point. For the um it nitrate, silver nitrate, I want to say yeah.
Reesa Morala:Yeah, so for those treatments and so, like I said, it took that first year before it was gone and I was able to kind of move on without the pain.
Stephanie Theriault:Nine years later. I know you did okay with your second, but she's doing good now. You're in a much better place.
Reesa Morala:Both of my kids. Yes, he started eating at 18 months, so that was our life, for the first 18 months of his life, my first 18 months of being a parent. But, yes, thankfully, like I said, the only kind of residual is that he's just lower on the growth chart, but he eats on his own. He's a good eater considering his size, and so I'm very grateful and fortunate for that.
Stephanie Theriault:I want for you to share with our listeners your birth story for your second child. I know we chatted a little bit about your story when we met, but I think it's an interesting one because I talk about the variances of how hospitals can vary in when they let patients come in, and some hospitals will have policies where patients can come in the moment they feel like a Braxton Hicks, and then some hospitals want patients to really be in labor. If you will just share with us a little bit about how you went into labor and how that ended up playing out for you, yes, so my doctor had told me it needed to be kind of five minutes for an hour.
Stephanie Theriault:As far as the contractions, I just want to ask real quickly before I'm sorry to interrupt you Is it the same doctor as your first or did you have a new doctor?
Reesa Morala:I had a new doctor.
Stephanie Theriault:Okay, perfect.
Reesa Morala:New doctor, and same thing happened with the gestational diabetes. It came back normal, so I didn't have to do anything for that second child. As far as going to the endocrinologist, yes, I had a new doctor. In fact, I found, after all of the headache with my first child and even getting doctors to listen to what was going on with him, I had finally found a doctor that I loved and was listening to us, and so when I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, I went to her and I said do you have another OB? Because I don't want to go back to the original one. And so this was the doctor that she said if I were pregnant right now and I needed somebody, this is who I would go to. I said, okay, great, that's who I'm going to go to.
Reesa Morala:The difficulty, though, with that is that that doctor, their hospital, was about 40 minutes away from where I live, which for doctor's appointments. I was fine, I'll go commute that. That way it was a much better experience. I'll do it. Um. But it also meant that when came time for labor and I didn't want to go drive that 40 minutes just to get turned away and told I couldn't be admitted, and have to drive all the way back and kind of do that that hustle and bustle. And so the doctor did say that you know five minutes for an hour. Then, yes, come in. And so because of that, I was really watching my.
Reesa Morala:At that point I had a contraction app. It's less fancy than the ones they have today After nine years, 10 years. They've come a long way as far as some of the apps that they have and that I've seen other folks use. But back then it was just like a timer, pretty much, that kept a log, and so I would hit a button when my contraction would start and I'd turn it off when I was done. It would tell me kind of and keep track of me in that way. And so, similarly to my first child, I was having those really intense Braxton Hicks or contractions, whatever you want to call them, kind of the two weeks leading up to it. And so when I was having them, I thought, okay, this is just it again, this is par for the course. I remember this. And so I kept working and I remember the day that I actually ended up having my second child. I had gone to work. It was my last day at work.
Reesa Morala:And at this point I was a therapist in a school and I was sitting there through sessions I was conducting therapy sessions, having contractions, so I would just sit with my phone. I would tell them hey, I'm just going to keep track of something over here, no big deal, keep talking. And so I would hit the contraction button. Okay, contraction's over, I would turn it off, keep doing my session. In fact, at that point I had one of my kids that I was working with who had a lot of anxiety, a lot of kind of ADHD stuff, and so for him it was really helpful if we walked and talked during our session. So we would walk. The school that I was at was next to the beach, and so we would walk all the way down to the beach while we were doing our session and then walk all the way back.
Reesa Morala:And so I was doing all of this and I had my phone with me and I just kept timing myself and doing my sessions. And at this point they weren't consistent. They were kind of all over the place as far as timing, at least according to my tracker. So I said, okay, I still have some time, I'm all good. And so I just kept doing. I worked my entire full day.
Reesa Morala:And I remember cause I even had a meeting afterwards, and so I, you know, it was a bunch of around a bunch of adults and other women who had had children, and they saw me kind of keeping time and they were like, do we need to take you to the hospital? And I looked at my my timing and I said no, I'm still good. Let. No, I'm still good, let's keep going. And so I did. And then I drove myself home. In fact, actually I even drove myself to daycare because my son was at daycare and so I drove myself to his daycare to pick him up. And all the meanwhile I had my phone right next to me and I would just reach over, hit the timer as I'm driving and turn it off.
Reesa Morala:When the contraction was done and I called my husband and I said, hey, the contractions they're not stopping, so I think that this is a good time for you to come home. He said okay, so he got in the car. He was like, do we need to just meet you at the hospital? I said no, they're not consistent yet, let's just meet at home. And so I went, I picked up my son from daycare, I drove me and my son back home, and so then I went.
Reesa Morala:After my husband got home, I left my son with my husband and I went into the bedroom to kind of keep going, cause I said I don't want to go down there and get turned away. It's such a long drive and I didn't want to inconvenience anyone, and at this point we were two weeks before my quote unquote due date. We don't have family in the area, and so we didn't have anybody to watch my son because people weren't planning on coming in until two weeks from now. And so I was like I really don't want to like have to, you know, lug all three of us down there just to get turned away. So I said I'll, I'll be in the bedroom and I'll just keep doing my thing. And they finally got to that five minutes for an hour, and the minute that they did, I told my husband. I said, hey, it's time for us to go. I said okay, and so we were packing up and with the very next contraction I said stop, I need to push, we're not going to the hospital. And he said what are you talking about? He thought I was joking and I said no, I need you to call 911.
Reesa Morala:And at this point my husband just he went into fight or flight mode, do I say? And he's freaking out, and so he's like what I need to call? Okay, let me get my phone. And he's just like running around the house trying to find his phone, and meanwhile my water breaks and I'm just I go into problem solving mode. My husband's freaking out, so I'm just like this, this is going to happen. I need to figure it out.
Reesa Morala:And I, the first thing I thought was okay, in the movies they're in like a tub of water, so let me get to my bathtub, because that's all I could think of in that moment. So I start waddling my way to the bathtub and my husband, meanwhile he gets his phone and because he's so frantic, instead of calling 911, he dialed 991. And so it gives him that, like this is not a working number, right. And so then my husband freaks out, he goes 911 isn't working and and I'm just trying to like get myself to a bathtub at this point, and I was like I need you to figure it out right now. I just need to get to the bathtub. And so, like I said, on my walk my water breaks. And so I'm like, okay, this is legit happening here.
Reesa Morala:And I turn on the faucet to the bathtub and the bathtub had maybe maybe half an inch to an inch of water and when I sat down to try to sit into the bathtub he just flew right out and I remember him kind of skidding across the bathtub in the water like kind of one of those luges, and I was like oh my gosh, and I like scooped him up and I was like I'm so sorry, put him on my chest because I was like I don't know what to do. And so at this point my husband finally got an operator, a 911 operator, and because it happened so fast, he had literally just gotten on and said my baby's having a baby. Nope, my baby, my, my wife just had a baby. And so they're like, okay, like do you, um, but we need to get something to tie off the umbilical cord. And he was like I don't have anything. And they were like do you have a shoelace? And he was like, yes, I can do that.
Reesa Morala:Well, out of all of the shoes that he chose, he chose a hiking boot that had those like really intricate laces, and so he's trying to like unlace this hiking boot, and it's taking a really long time, and so, meanwhile, while that happened, the fire department got there, and so he didn't even get the shoelace unstr'm strong. And the fire department showed up. At this point in my life, I felt like I was a fairly conservative person as far as dress wise. At this point, I'm completely naked in my bathtub, and five male firefighters jammed into my bathroom in all my full glory, and I was just sitting there and I was like hey guys, thanks for coming, here's my baby. And they were all just very frazzled. Yeah.
Reesa Morala:And kept saying we need so-and-so, and it was a name. And I was like who's this person, who's this magical person that they're waiting for and so they're trying to like they cut the umbilical cord and they're just saying we need so and so we need so and so. And finally this person emerged. It was the only female firefighter they had on staff and the minute she showed up they shoved the baby in her direction, was like here you go. And then they came and they took care of me and I was like, okay, so you guys are still very like, we need a woman to come take care of this baby. And so then they surrounded me, they got me in a gurney and took me, but because at this point I'd been only doing it by myself, I had not delivered the placenta yet, and so they were concerned with the blood loss there, and so it was in the ambulance that they were we need to get this out of you because you're continuing to bleed at this point. And so the female the only female firefighter helped me deliver the placenta. I held baby while she helped me get that out, and I was able to get it out. I was again very, very fortunate. Probably the best case scenario for my baby, that I didn't lose enough blood that I needed a transfusion so that we were able to kind of get things under control. Like I said, the only kind of difference was getting me sewn up once.
Reesa Morala:I did get to the hospital but he had come so fast. It was so funny. I had nurses coming to visit us because they had heard about the bathtub baby that's what they were calling him and the remark that I kept getting is they had never seen a head so round. So when the nurses were coming in they were like, oh my gosh, his head is so round. And I just kept hearing that and it stuck out because it's the strangest thing to hear people say about how round his head was. But they were telling me that it must have been because he wasn't in the canal for a very long time, that his head was very round, and so I became this attraction, my baby's head, and we became this.
Stephanie Theriault:Like everybody came to visit us that was working before that night and even to the next day as a labor and delivery nurse, like we love when women come in home births, it's it's just like it's so infrequent that we get to see it, so we're all just like let's go check this out, okay. Well, that makes a little bit more sense now. That's awesome, though. So I'm curious for your immediate postpartum recovery. How was it different at all with your first and your second, since you had two like very different experiences?
Reesa Morala:I think it was a little bit more straightforward and it also felt easier because, again, I wasn't having all those complications so the fact that I wasn't having this significant amount of pain because I didn't have family there to watch my son. I begged to get out of the hospital as soon as I can. I was healing up pretty fast. So they did let me go. I spent one overnight with them and I apologize too the night because I came in in the evening. So technically there was that one overnight and then I had one more, and so they let me go the next day, which was a lot shorter than my first time.
Reesa Morala:And then when I got home, like I said and again, how much of it is skewed by the fact that I had a toddler I had to take care of at the same time, so I don't necessarily remember sitting in it in that way that very well could be at play. Also, as I mentioned, I didn't have quite the pain that I had. I had pain, of course, because I was a whole lot that you know. My body went to war and back. Mm, hmm.
Reesa Morala:At the same time it wasn't quite as drawn out, I think, as my first, and then with feeding my son, he didn't quite have the same issues that my first son had. He did need to move over to a completely broken down amino acid formula though because he had some tummy issues with the breast milk and any other kind of formulas that weren't as broken down but because, again, I had at this point had already found and gone through the headache of finding a good doctor for my first son. But this doctor was already very, very familiar and so the minute that there was any kind of tummy troubles we were like, okay, let's go into problem solving mode. We were able to kind of find him a formula fairly quickly and then once we found that he ate, no problem. So things moved a little bit faster as far as when there were any issues we were able to get a little bit more movement.
Reesa Morala:I remember going to my first appointment because I didn't I wasn't there for my actual doctor with my second son to deliver, and he even came in. I remember the doctor came in to round on me after that next morning and he said why didn't you come in sooner so you could have the baby here, and I said I was trying to follow what you said. And I pulled out my app and I showed him the inconsistencies between my contractions. I said it didn't and I can't, I wanted to come. The minute that they did see, look at my, look at my app, and, um, he was like oh, wow, yeah, okay, I see that. And so the first time I came back, though, to see him, he did check out my stitches, and he even remarked he was like she stitched up really nicely, great job. And he made that comment, and so, again, for me that was another sign that this was this was very different Um, that even the doctor kind of made an audible like oh yeah, you know she did good.
Stephanie Theriault:I want to turn the conversation over to your company. I'm looking at your website and there are a lot of different things that you offer. When I first went here I was assuming, okay, general couples counseling, therapy, but you have a lot going on. You have couples counseling, you have couples intensive, which I think is very interesting. I'd like for you to share with us a little bit about and then also bringing baby home workshop, parenting workshop. I like how it's not just one thing, that you really bring all the things together that can affect couples in parenthood that we don't really anticipate when we're pregnant and before we become parents. I'm curious when you started Embrace Renewal Therapy and Wellness Collective, did you have all these ideas in mind, or was it kind of like an organic process that these different workshops came together?
Reesa Morala:So a little bit of yes, a little bit of no, okay, and I say that because, as I mentioned, the first half of my therapy career, I was working a lot with the children and their families, and for me some of the difficulty is that it felt more reactive treatment, like once there was kind of a problem, I mean. And sometimes by the time they came to see me, we're talking higher level of acuity. At that point usually the parents were at their wits end and they would just kind of drop off their kid and say, hey, fix my kid, please, make it better. And then they would kind of leave because they're overwhelmed, they've got a ton on their plate. And the difficulty is I could do some really great work with the kids, but if I'm sending them right back home to the same kind of stressed out environment or what have you, it felt very fruitless and I didn't love the feeling. I didn't feel like I was being helpful and I want to be helpful, and so I really had to take a step back and figure out okay, how can I be more preventative in my care? And so what I found is actually there's one, there's a lot less support for parents than there ought to be considering how hard this is and the fact that these parents are holding the future of our generation in their hands. There needs to be 10 times more of the amount of resources and support that's out there, in my personal opinion. And so there's not.
Reesa Morala:We focus a lot, you know, a lot of times the couples therapy they're already again their higher level of acuity. It takes a breakdown for them to finally come into the room Because, again, I think a lot of the parents that I ended up seeing there's this mentality of my kids need to come first. And so, even if that means, you know, sacrificing my own wellness, my own relationship wellness, well, that's what I need to do in order to make sure that this kid is thriving and doing good. And so my hope and the design when I ended up kind of opening up this practice was how can I actually support more the parent side of things and the parents, their own wellness, their relationship wellness, so that they have permission that it's okay and, in fact, very necessary for them to to take some time for themselves and make sure that they're good, and once they do that, it actually allows them more capacity to show up for their kids in the way that they really want to and they really desire and dream of.
Reesa Morala:So I went and I got additional certifications. No-transcript. Bringing Baby Home is one that's specifically designed for folks that are either planning on having children, expecting a child, or have them between zero and three, and it can be for your first kid, it can be for your fifth kid, because anytime we're bringing in a new child to the mix, it's a new dynamic and it's a new transition. And so, really, how can I empower couples to have the resources, to have the tools to really support their thriving and then, ultimately, their families thriving as well?
Stephanie Theriault:Talk to us a little bit about the difference between couples counseling and then couples intensives.
Reesa Morala:Yeah. So couples counseling that I offer, I am, as you mentioned, licensed in California, so that's going to be for anybody who is physically in the state of California that I offer, kind of your traditional one-on-one therapy that's weekly or biweekly, based off of needs, and so that's kind of what you would think of when you think of traditional therapy. The couples intensives that I offer is usually over one weekend, and so I have folks that will come in. I'm in Southern California wine country so we have lots of wineries around us and so they'll come kind of for like their own little retreat, if you will. They'll do an intensive weekend with me, and that's really ideal for folks that have for us to really do some really nice deep, focused work on one to two areas that they're feeling some pain points.
Reesa Morala:So, for example, I've got some couples who maybe there's just one particular topic, maybe it's extended family, right, the in-laws that just every time that topic comes up they just hit a wall and they get really stuck in it. So that's a great one that we go in and we figure out what's tripping them up, what's that pattern that they kind of fall into, and let's do some really great deep work and getting you unstuck from that all within a weekend. And so they can do some of that sessions with me during the day and then in the evening, like I said, they can go to the wineries. They can just have a little kind of weekend retreat and so that's what folks will come in and do the intensives for, and so if they need periodic tune-ups, they have that ability. But really the idea is that it's kind of a one in do some deep work to really kind of hit a big pain point for them.
Stephanie Theriault:Do you find that couples come for the couples intensive? Are they coming from mostly close by, or do you get couples from maybe the East coast?
Reesa Morala:Yeah, it's open to anybody and folks will, like I said they'll, they'll kind of make a little a little retreat weekend out of it for themselves themselves, like a marriage retreat, and be able to work here. You just have to physically be here when I see you and that's it. So that's kind of the pros and cons. Like I said, you would just have to physically be here for either the counseling or the intensives, the workshops I do offer virtually, and so that's open to anybody worldwide. If you have access to internet, you can. You can sign up for any of those workshops that I offer.
Stephanie Theriault:I read on your site you wrote don't let my skincare routine fool you. I'm a mom of two and with my partner for 16 years. I know firsthand how hard this shit is. Uh-huh, I know firsthand how hard this shit is. I love that you put that out there. I feel like it's so personable. We, as parents, we go through the postpartum period and it's hard. This is so real and it's so raw. Whoever needs to find services, find help, find therapy so they can find that relationship, they can find themselves again, feel comfortable coming to you because we're all human, we're all just like each other and we're all going through it and we all just need somebody to help us get through those difficult postpartum period.
Reesa Morala:You're so right. It is hard and I think that that's one of the reasons, again with my own journey, that it was so important to me to also go into this and be that support that I wish I had when I was going through my own heart, because it was really lonely and it can feel really isolating. And that's probably the number one thing I hear from so many parents over and over is that, especially with our social media and the movies, there's a very big discrepancy in what actually happens as a parent and what you're experiencing versus what gets depicted or what gets talked about frankly.
Stephanie Theriault:One last question For anyone who's listening and they might be going through something similar, in which something clinically is happening to them or their child and they don't believe that the providers in their care are listening to them. What advice would you give to help them be seen, be heard and to get the help that they need?
Reesa Morala:I think that the biggest one that I have found for myself on a personal side and professionally is really kind of honoring your own gut and what's happening. So if something is wrong, if your gut is trying to send you a message that usually that's coming from a real place, in the sense that your body is trying to send you signals that we're feeling like this needs to at least be seen and heard. Maybe it is just you know us taking extra precautions and that's okay too. And so if you have a provider that isn't listening to you and you have the ability to find a different provider, 100% that that's okay to kind of find someone who will listen to you and who does get it. Like I said, I had to find a couple different pediatricians.
Reesa Morala:It took a completely new OB to finally find people that were listening to me, and it was a much different experience with my second child, and so it's okay to kind of go find those people if you have the ability, and if you don't, again continuing to just get big, let them know, really using as clear kind of emotion words like hey, this is, even if you don't agree with me, can you at least humor me right now and let's just pretend that maybe something is. Could we do a little extra test or just spend a little extra time listening to me and really knowing that it's absolutely okay for you to advocate for yourself, if you are speaking in a respectful way and respecting yourself, respecting the provider, speaking in a respectful way and respecting yourself, respecting the provider, that it's okay to express your complaints and, in fact, it's very, very much appropriate for you to express a complaint and have those people hear you. No matter what provider it is, you still deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and with care.
Stephanie Theriault:Risa. If our listeners want to learn more about you and find your practice, how can they find you?
Reesa Morala:Best way to find me is through my website. It's called embracerenewaltherapycom, and you'll find everything. You'll find links to the workshops, the workshop dates If you would like to come see me for a retreat weekend. All of that is on there. You'll also find access to my own podcast called the Real Family Eats, where all we do is we talk about the real stuff that actually happens with parenting and how hard it is. At the same time, every guest that comes on shares a recipe, so you'll get to hear a story that is probably very relatable, something that you've experienced or you know someone who has, and you get a recipe out of it too, and so all of that is on my website.
Stephanie Theriault:We will attach all links to your social media and to your website. Thank you so much for coming on and being open and vulnerable and sharing your story. The reason why I'm doing this podcast is so we can teach, learn, heal and grow together, so I really appreciate you taking time at a busy schedule to meet with me and share your story on our show.
Reesa Morala:Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. Hey there, amazing listeners.
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