Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
The Maternal Wealth Podcast creates a collective space for sharing all birth-related stories. I want to acknowledge birth's uniqueness, honor its variations, and remind us of the power we hold in giving birth.
As a Labor and Delivery Nurse, I see the impact of our stories. Let's share those stories with those who come after us to prepare them for what's to come. For those who came before us, allowing them to reminisce and heal as we realize we were not alone in our experiences.
Maternal Wealth is currently streaming in twenty-five countries: New Zealand, Australia, Slovakia, Canada, Finland, South Africa, Belgium, the United Kingdom, Rwanda, Poland, India, Sweden, Germany, Puerto Rico, China, Italy, Denmark, Brazil, Indonesia, Vietnam, Spain, Greenland, Cyprus, Tanzania and the United States.
Maternal Wealth Podcast - Own Your Birth
Behind Every Successful Father: A Mother's Untold Journey
What does a wife sacrifice when her husband succeeds? That question propelled Jade Lomax's social media post to viral status, resonating with millions of women worldwide while simultaneously triggering fierce backlash from men who misunderstood her message.
In this deeply personal conversation, Jade shares her transformation from a world-traveling accountant to a mother of three boys in Australia. Her birth stories form a powerful triptych of maternal experience – from a natural Christmas Day delivery that defied medical expectations, to a rushed, intervention-heavy second birth that left her feeling robbed of her birth experience, to a peaceful home birth during COVID lockdowns that finally gave her complete ownership of her birthing journey.
Beyond the birthing room, Jade candidly discusses the identity transformation motherhood demands. The mundane challenges of hanging laundry while attending to a newborn's needs. The frustration of watching her husband leave for work without constantly calculating feeding schedules or childcare arrangements. The painful realization that society celebrates men's accomplishments while rendering invisible the women who make those achievements possible.
What makes Jade's story particularly compelling is her nuanced approach to marriage and family dynamics. Rather than advocating separation, she emphasizes communication and growth. After her husband purchased a car without consulting her, following generational patterns in which men made all major decisions, they worked to build a partnership where both voices mattered equally.
Today, Jade advocates for families to prioritize togetherness now rather than postponing joy until retirement. Having lost a close friend who left behind young children, she understands the precious uncertainty of time. Her message transcends cultural boundaries, reminding us that maternal experiences connect women globally despite our differences.
Learn more about Jade Lomax and how she is empowering women with a Female-led, freedom-built roadmap business.
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Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast, a space for all things related to maternal health, pregnancy and beyond. I'm your host, Stephanie Terrio. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and a mother to three beautiful boys. Each week, week, we dive into inspiring stories and expert insights to remind us of the power that you hold in childbirth and motherhood. We're here to explore the joys, the challenges and the complexities of maternal health. Every mother's journey is unique and every story deserves to be told. Please note that this podcast is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with your healthcare provider for medical guidance that is tailored to your specific needs.
Stephanie Theriault:In this week's episode, I have a wonderful conversation with Jade Lomax, a proud mother of three boys living in Australia. We first connected when she shared a heartfelt post highlighting the disparities and how a wife's effort behind her husband's business and financial successes are often overlooked. It was a meaningful discussion that I think you will find inspiring. Our conversation highlights the essential efforts women and mothers put in daily to keep a household running smoothly. Jade shares with us her unique birth stories for each of her sons, giving us a glimpse into her experience the bond we mothers share with our children is truly special and constantly evolving as they grow. It's a reminder of the love and the dedication that shape our journey as mothers. Without further ado, let's get into it. Hi, Jade, Welcome to the Maternal Wealth Podcast. I'm so glad that you're here.
Jade Lomax:Hi, stephanie, thanks so much for having me.
Jade Lomax:I would love for you to start by sharing with us a little bit about yourself before you became a mom. Sure, so before I became a mom, I was overseas traveling. I went to university to become an accountant and I did my graduate year as an accountant and I hated it and I just wanted to travel. And I probably wanted to travel coming out of high school actually, and never did because I just thought I should go to university and I should get my degree first and all of the things. So anyway, once I graduated and didn't enjoy accounting, I decided to go overseas.
Jade Lomax:So I moved to London and I stayed there for four years and traveled and then I basically came home because I didn't have a visa anymore and I couldn't keep staying there, and so I came home and then I just stayed home with my family over the summer. I just wanted to have the summer off because I'd been away for four years and I wanted to catch up with everyone. And my husband I actually went to school with. I grew up with him, so I already knew him, and when I got back from overseas we reconnected and then started seeing him, got back into accountancy actually to earn some money and then, after about two years of dating my husband. Then we fell pregnant with our first. So yes, before I had kids, I was basically just traveling.
Stephanie Theriault:I'm curious when you were in London, were you working as an accountant or were you trying something new?
Jade Lomax:Yeah, I did to begin with. For the two years that I had my visa I worked office jobs and then I ended up in a job that I was recruiting pilots for airlines, which I actually loved at that job, and I moved to Dublin to Ireland for 12 months because I could get a 12-month visa in Ireland for work. So I did that and, yeah, I really loved that job actually because I've always loved travel and I wanted to be an air hostess when I left school but I was too tall I'm six foot tall and that was too tall. Actually, apparently it still is, they still have that rule so I couldn't become an air hostess. So, yeah, I really love that job.
Jade Lomax:But then my visa ran out for both countries so I ended up working for elderly people, just looking after them, getting paid cash Through some friends. I had a lot of girlfriends who were nurses from Australia who were living in London at the time and that was the kind of work they did, because it paid really well and you got paid cash and it was flexible. You could still do lots of travel. So I ended up kind of going into that for a bit at the end, just to be able to stay in London actually.
Stephanie Theriault:So then, when you got back to Australia and you rekindled your relationship with your husband, you fell pregnant with your oldest. Tell us about your decision, whether you decided to have an OBGYN or a midwife. Did you have a home birth? Were you in the hospital? Share with us a little bit about your birth story with your oldest.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, so in Australia you have to have private health insurance for 12 months before you can have a private obstetrician. You can actually pay for it, but it's really expensive. So having a private obstetrician wasn't something that we were in the position to do at that time. So we were planning to have him at the local public hospital. And, yeah, it's actually interesting because it wasn't until I fell pregnant that then I just had this strong intuition that I could just trust my body the whole time that I didn would all pan out. So we just he was actually due on the 19th of December and at about 20 weeks they said do you want to book in for a cesarean? And I said, no, why would I do that? And they said, well, it's very close to Christmas, so why don't you just book in so that you don't have a Christmas baby? And I was mortified. I was like, no, I would never. I would never do that. I trust my body and my baby and when he is here due to arrive, he'll arrive. And so we didn't book in for a cesarean. Yeah, so just went through the public system in Australia, which is pretty just kind of basic. I guess you see a different midwife every time you go to the hospital and you don't know who you'll have on the day. It's just sort of whatever obstetrician is sort of rostered on that day. But that kind of didn't worry me at the time because I just trusted myself more than someone external, which I found interesting, being my first baby. But I was just fully trusting in the process, I think.
Jade Lomax:And then, of course, christmas Eve I got into bed and I was thinking, yeah, I'm feeling good, I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it to at least Boxing Day, got into bed, woke up at about 2.30 Christmas morning with some pains in my stomach and I thought, oh, I'm not feeling very well and was just laying in bed. And then after a while I thought, oh no, these pains are coming in waves, they're actually contractions. So I started timing contractions. I stayed at home until about 7.30 am and my contractions by that time were four minutes apart and my husband was stressing because we'd been told but if you're four minutes apart, you should be in hospital by now. And blah, blah, blah. So he got me in the car to get to hospital and then it was quite quick from when we got to hospital. I guess my waters broke at around 9am and then he was born about 20 past nine on Christmas day. So yes, I did end up with a Christmas baby.
Stephanie Theriault:Whoever was the woman who was trying to schedule you for the C-section the elective C-section she jinxed it for you.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, because I was thinking that would never happen to me, I would never have a Christmas baby. And then here he came. So yes, but I actually I loved his birth and I didn't have any interventions Actually, no, he ended up in the last few minutes. They said we need to. His heart rate is dropping so they used the vacuum to get him out in the end on his head. But yeah, I didn't have any drugs to intervene and it was good. I loved his birth so much.
Jade Lomax:And then I found, when I joined a mother's group, no one had had the same experience and a lot of women were just like saying how bad birth was and how horrendous it was, and some had even booked in for cesareans because they didn't even want to bother trying. I remember just listening to all of these women and thinking, wow, I actually had such a beautiful, positive experience and I couldn't believe that there were so many that didn't have the same, or just their view of it before going in was that it was going to be terrible and painful and horrendous, and so that's what the experience was.
Stephanie Theriault:It's nice that you are sharing your story. There are so many stories out there women having traumatic birth stories and we need more positive ones, women who go into the pregnancy believing in their body, believing in the process and their baby and putting that out into the universe. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but if you put the goodness and you put the belief in and even with my patients I tell them like so much of labor and birth, it's your mind, your body and your soul. It's all connected. You have to believe in yourself.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, I know I do remember thinking, like all through that labor, that I was outside of my body, like it was, like my body was just doing its thing and my mind was just kind of watching. Yeah, it was interesting. I just, yeah, stood at the kitchen bench for hours, just swaying from side to side, letting my body do what it needed to do.
Stephanie Theriault:We pause this episode for a quick message from our sponsor At Maternal Wealth. We aim to ensure that you have access to the best and the most appropriate care.
Stephanie Theriault:That's why we created a maternal health care provider database. Appropriate care. That's why we created a maternal health care provider database. Maternal health providers can easily create profiles to promote their services and business, helping to increase access for those seeking their care. This is a one-of-a-kind database that offers a new and exciting way for women to search for and find maternal health providers near them and tailored to their specific needs. Profiles feature badges that highlight various services, such as tollback-friendly practices, all-female practices, lgbtqai plus inclusivity, language options, access to vaginal breach services and more. Additionally, be sure to check out our Not your Average Birth course. In this course, I discuss the variations that exist in hospital practices based on policies, staffing and budgets, all of which can directly affect your birth experience and outcome for your second child. Usually in labor and delivery, we say the second child's the wild child. They usually come a little bit quicker, so I'm curious if that resonates with your birth story for your second child yeah, he, he definitely was the wild child, but probably not he definitely.
Jade Lomax:I was going to say he definitely is in life too, but no, then I had my third and he is even wilder, which I didn't think I could get wilder than my second. No, so, because my waters had broken and then my first baby was born within 20 minutes. Then, when I had my next son, the hospital were very strict on you have to get in as soon as you start having contractions, because you're probably going to have a quick birth and you'll have to get in quickly to the hospital. Blah, blah, blah. So with him my waters broke at home. I wasn't really having contractions yet, but I'd had some bleeding during the day. So I knew that things were happening and that he'd be here soon. And then I woke up same time actually like around 2.30 in the morning, with my waters breaking. So I jumped up out of bed and because the hospital had been so much like between the waters and the birth with your first, it was quick, so your second is going to be even quicker. So we were kind of flustered then because we were like, oh my God, this baby is coming, we better go. And we jumped in the car and went to hospital. And then once we got into the hospital, which is like about 3.30 AM, there was just no contractions. And once I finally got to the hospital and like stopped instead of like packing bags and whatever, I was like, yeah, there's, I'm actually not having any contractions.
Jade Lomax:So that sort of went on for a bit through the morning and then about um nine o'clock, nine am, they sort of said to me because your waters have broken, there's chance of infection. Like we should get him out, we will put you on the drip to start the contractions. And I was hesitant and I thought I don't, I don't really want an induction. But we were also like, well, we don't know, we trust what the hospital is saying. And I said to them could you just start the drip just for a little bit to get things going and then we turn it off. And they were like yeah, yeah, sure, no worries. And naively I was like okay, great, anyway, they put the drip in. It felt like they basically just ramped it up to whatever, the highest, the highest they could get it to. So I went from having no contractions to like full-on contractions, like one minute long contractions, no break in between.
Jade Lomax:So then he was born within two hours of them starting that drip. It just felt like they blasted him out of me. It was very intense, yeah so. So that was his birth, which just felt upsetting because it felt like it was stolen from me but also from him, having a birth that wasn't as gentle as my first son's. And also they said to me oh, his heart is dropping. We need to put that like a heart monitor in his head. So they had put the needle in his head to just check that his heart was okay. So the poor guy came out, he was blasted out, he came out with a needle in his head.
Jade Lomax:I was pretty upset after that birth and because we'd had such a good hospital experience with my first baby my husband loved all the midwives, he wanted to invite them all over for dinner, things like that, and with this one it was just a completely different experience. So then by the time we had our third, I said we're having a home birth and my husband, he trusted me enough to be able to make the decision, but he also wasn't keen at all and my stepdad is a doctor, so he was completely against the situation and my father-in-law is a paramedic, so he was against it as well. But I think thankfully at the time it was during COVID. So we were in lockdown in Australia and so we couldn't see our family anyway, so they couldn't actually come and visit and try and change our minds. And also at the time in Australia the rules were that you couldn't, your husband couldn't, you could only have one person in the birthing suite and so if you wanted to have a doula, you couldn't have your husband and vice versa, if you wanted your husband, you couldn't have any other birth support. And also we obviously couldn't bring our kids in to visit the baby and the midwives were all wearing all the hazmat suits and everything and it just felt like such an impersonable experience that I was not. Yeah, it didn't feel like the right experience for birthing a baby.
Jade Lomax:So we went for a home birth with our third, which was he was actually my longest labor and yeah, it started early in the morning as well, I think I went in, started with contractions probably around the same time, 2am, and we called the midwives but they had been at another birth. So they were. They weren't close by and I actually wasn't too concerned about that, but my husband was stressing that we didn't have a midwife at the time, but they turned up. It's interesting because they didn't turn up until, I think, about 7.30 in the morning and then, once they turned up, then my body started having more regular contraction, so it was kind of like I was actually holding on until they had arrived. So then I started regular contractions from about 7.30am and my husband filled the pool, but I didn't. I was just in my bedroom.
Jade Lomax:Actually, my baby was posterior, so I had lots of back pain and I couldn't really stay in one position because through the contractions I was just moving my hips trying to move him around because he was in such a painful position. So I couldn't really move from my bedroom. I just stayed leaning against my bed. And then, yeah, the midwives were out on the couch with my husband drinking coffee and eating cake. He'd baked a cake, so they were all chatting. They'd been at a birth the day before, so they were tired.
Jade Lomax:Anyway, I just at one point said I think I need to push. The midwives came down and then, yeah, he was born within like four minutes of pushing. So, yeah, that was such a beautiful experience. And then we just got to get back into bed and it was just us home for two days on our own, people delivered food and we just slept whenever we needed to and it was so peaceful compared to the hospital environment. But yeah, it was amazing, and I had considered a home birth for my second baby.
Jade Lomax:But I think because at the time we were still living close to our parents and there was just no way that they would kind of get on board with it and I didn't really know any. I didn't know the process of a home birth. It's not. I don't really know many other people who have had home births. Definitely none of my friends have had home births at the time where we were living, and so it wasn't till we had to move in between my second and third baby, and then I met more midwives who had had home births and I don't. We're just in a different environment where our parents weren't as influential over our choices.
Jade Lomax:That was his birth. But yeah, the home birth was probably by far the best, but then I probably wouldn't have had my first at home, because it was my first and I wasn't. I actually wouldn't not have even been aware that it was an option, to be honest back then, because I don't know. I was probably one of the first in our friendship group also to be having a baby, so there wasn't I didn't have other girlfriends to talk to it about, and it was just a normal thing to go to hospital and have your baby. That's what everyone did. You know what I mean.
Stephanie Theriault:Yeah, yeah. I love the fact that you had three completely different birth experiences and you got to experience your first in the local hospital with the midwives, with no interventions except for the vacuum at the end. And then you had the Pitocin and you could see how the Pitocin interacts with your body and how it produces the birth of the child and then a home birth. So you really have a full spectrum of what birth can look like, and I think that's really cool.
Stephanie Theriault:Yeah, yeah it is cool. Having your last one, your third son at home brings it all together. Women talk about having a redeeming birth experience, and birth is also healing too. So if there's anything that happens prior that kind of just didn't sit well with us, birth again can kind of heal those wounds.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, yeah, definitely. And even just like the clamping of of the cord, like that kind of thing is just in the hospital we found was just like yep, okay, dad, do you want to cut the cord? And it was also like, yep, okay, and there's a placenta and off it goes. And whereas with our third being at home, they left the cord for as long as possible till it went white and then we kept the placenta to plant in the garden and yeah, just all that kind of stuff that I like we got to see the placenta and then keep it and decide what we do with it. And I just think about my other baby placentas and I'm like, oh, they would have just been like scraped off the bench into the bin. See you later. I'm like, oh, just yeah, and not anyone's fault. Like do you know what I mean? Like no one, not that the doctors do it maliciously and we never thought to ask to say, well, could we take it home? I'm sure they probably would have let us if we had have asked. But yeah, just that. Such a more wholesome experience.
Jade Lomax:And when you only have two midwives as well, like when I was in labor with both of my boys in hospital.
Jade Lomax:There's doctors coming in like, or student midwives or whatever, saying, okay, it's my lunch break, now I'm just going to lunch, like Sally's taking over whilst I'm out.
Jade Lomax:You know what I mean. And so there's all these people that you've never seen before, and a new face every however often, whereas at home I just had the same two midwives my husband, yeah and then they're the same who support you the whole way and they came back a few days later and up until six weeks they did home visits and we could have had more if we wanted to, but, yeah, it just felt so much, gentler, I think, definitely nourishing and peaceful, and just to get back into your own bed with your newborn baby is so nice, even like when, I remember he was waking through the night, obviously, and so we could just sit on the couch and put the tv on if we wanted to, and, yeah, not have to be listening to all the bells from the hospital and people coming in and out, and yeah, it's just such a wholesome experience, do you find that after having birth and becoming a mom, you went through a transition phase, whether something personal or with your career?
Jade Lomax:Yeah, I definitely did personally end with a career. I remember with my first, like it's just so. No one can prepare you for how motherhood will change you. And I remember in the beginning like being frustrated with not being able to hang out the washing, things like that, like I'd have this washing sitting in the machine that had been there all day and I couldn't hang it out because the baby had needed me for whatever reason. And just things like that where you just realize you no longer can do anything for yourself without thinking about this other human.
Jade Lomax:And even sometimes I feel like I just need to get out of this house on the weekends when my husband was home and I thought I'm just going to go to the shops and just walk around the shops. But then I'd be like, oh well, he needs feeding, so I really need to express some milk, so they've got milk whilst I'm gone. And then when I got to the shops I'd be looking at my watch thinking, oh, he's going to need a feed in a couple of hours. I've just got to do this, and then I've got to get home. So you actually can never really just think of yourself again, which took time for me to sort of realize. That was probably more with my first, because by the time you have your second you realize you can be well aware of that. And so I feel like the second is much easier because you know what is expected of you, you know what your baby needs and you've also kind of relinquished to the fact that, okay, well, I've got these babies now and they need me for the next 20 years or however long they're going to be needing you probably 50 years. They probably never stop needing you. But yeah, it took time for me to transition through that and also it's something that the husband never has to understand. I don't think my husband can get up, have breakfast and go to work and once he's at work for eight hours, he never has to think about what happens at home whilst he's not there or what the kids need from him, because they don't really need anything from him, especially in those early years.
Jade Lomax:Like, yeah, that took that took time for me to get over that kind of anger and frustration, I think with my first baby and then also wanting to go back to work with my first to get out of the house, because I found it really boring, sometimes just exhausting. I remember just singing nursery rhymes over and over, just looking at the clock, thinking when will my husband be home, and it's just kind of like brain numbing having to do that. And I remember wanting to go back to work just to have adult interaction and have a bit of me back, which I did go back between my first and second and I ended up going back full-time, mainly because of the maternity leave, because we knew we wanted to have another baby and if I was working full-time at the time then that would mean I would get paid a full-time wage rather than part-time. So I went back full-time before I was planning on falling pregnant and then we felt, because you had it was, I think you had to be full-time for the 12 months. So you kind of have to be thinking about these kinds of things.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, so my son went to daycare, which he kind of didn't mind. Actually he never, really he didn't. Well, he possibly he's very quiet and he kind of internalizes things. So I often wonder what, what actually he feels but doesn't voice, but he kind of he was fine with daycare. From the outside it looked like he adjusted well and then when we had our second, we moved when he was only about six months old, so we didn't have any family around, we didn't know anyone, we didn't have any support. So for me to go back to work, it was kind of they'd both be in daycare and that was expensive, and also by then I wasn't having those same feelings of frustration of wanting my life back. By that time I'd kind of accepted what motherhood was going to look like and, yeah, I actually enjoyed being home. And then, yeah, my son.
Jade Lomax:I tried to put him into daycare my second son just one day a week so that I could have some time to work on. We run our own business, so to work on that. But he hated daycare. I would leave him screaming and I'd come back to pick him up and he was still screaming and even like that crying you know where they can't breathe, where they're like like that kind of crying. And so I just I didn't leave him in daycare for very long because he just hated it and I hated it and I didn't really need him there. It was just more for me to have some space. So, yeah, I pulled him out. I don't even know how long he stayed for actually. Yeah, so he didn't go to daycare until he started kindergarten here in Australia, which is about when he's four years old yeah, four.
Jade Lomax:And then he went to school when he was five, but the year he went to school was the year of COVID, so he had the first term of school. And I remember when he went I really wasn't ready for him to go to school. I felt that with my first as well, when I, when I took him to school on that first day, I just remember thinking I didn't realize, I was upset. I just remember thinking five years is not long enough. That's not, no, it's not long enough with them. And I just remember it felt so weird that he was going to go to school and be with someone else five days a week and that I was meant to only see him two days. And so then, when my second son went, and then we went into lockdown, I remember just being so relieved because I thought, ah, I wasn't ready for him to go to school anyway, and now I've got this extra time with him which I was so grateful for.
Jade Lomax:And then it turned out in Australia they were basically off school for two years, which I loved. I loved having them both home, and then in that time we had our third baby, so then we had like the three of them home and they didn't love homeschool. We actually didn't really do the homeschooling. The school would send stuff, but the kids hated it. So my youngest he was only five anyway, so he did nothing, probably for none of the school work for two years and my older son he would do just like maths and english basically and send in his work and whatever, but he he didn't really love it either, but after those two years. So by then they are now like seven and 10 and they were desperate to get back to school just to see their friends and I wanted to homeschool them after that. It's also not really there weren't many families doing it and we tried it for a bit with some other families, but it just didn't really work for my kids and they were desperate to see their friends, so I basically just sent them back to school. They hadn't seen people for two years because of lockdown, so they basically just went back for the social connection. It's tough because I would homeschool them all if they wanted to be home, but they don't want to be at home, they want to be with their friends.
Jade Lomax:And now my eldest, he's 13 and he's in high school, so he loves going to school. And my other son, he hated school but he wanted to be with his friends and he'd get into a lot of trouble at school because he wouldn't listen, because he was so bored and he was in a class of 30 kids so there was a lot of noise and he couldn't concentrate. So we ended up pulling him out last year and starting the year at a new school and it's more of a Steiner-like school where the child can kind of choose what direction they want to go in. It's a lot more. There's only 13 kids in his class, 13 kids and two teachers, so it's a lot more supportive and a calmer environment, a lot of like outdoors. It's surrounded by bushland and he is just a completely different kid the best thing we have ever done for him. So yeah, he was just in the wrong environment. It just wasn't the school, like sitting on the mat with your legs crossed and no, you can't go to the toilet until recess and you have to eat your lunch at this time, all that sort of thing and also the learning just wasn't interested in what they're learning, whereas now in this new school it's sort of student-led and they just, he said, the learning is fun and they teach it in a different way. So, yeah, he's just thriving in this new environment, which is great.
Jade Lomax:But yeah, so with my third baby I haven't I never went back to work, so I've been, I've had him at home the whole time, which I have loved and it then. But because I was at home and not working, it meant my husband had to work more. So he has an employer, but then he had to. We started our own. He's a winemaker. So we started our own wine business just to earn more money to cover for my wage. And then he started making barrel racks for the wine, which is these metal racks at the barrels in the winery stand or sit sitting on top of each other, stacked on top of each other, because he found there was a hole in the market. So he started doing that with one of my cousins who was a boiler maker they call it in Australia a welder. So that meant he was away a lot and he was busy seven days a week, he works all the time. He works away from the home.
Jade Lomax:So it just started to get to a point where we realized he was missing a lot of their childhood and my husband said well, if you want me home more, you're going to have to go back to work. But then just trying to work out how I could fit in going back to work when he worked away a lot, we don't have any family support. The kids would have to be in before school care and after school care, or my eldest would probably have to be looking after himself a lot more. They play a lot of sports, so it would mean they'd probably have to cut back on their sports. Both of my boys play high level basketball and they want to go to America in exchange to play basketball, which means they kind of have to keep up this high level if they're going to have the option to go to America. So, yeah, then I started to think well, I need something online if I'm going to go back to work, and I ended up finding something about 12 months ago online that means I can just work my own hours and work in around my kids.
Jade Lomax:And, yeah, that just became more important that something had to fit in around the kids and also working for ourselves too, like not having a boss that we had to ask for time off or feel guilty if the kids were sick and we wanted to be at home with them. I remember as a kid being sick and my mum having to leave me at home on my own. She would still have to go to work and I would be home on my own and I just I didn't want to have to do that to my kids. So, yes, motherhood it's definitely changed the way that my career, the direction my career went in, and probably the choices I wouldn't have made, I guess, if we didn't have kids, but that we did make because they were beneficial for the kids and the family. We just had to make decisions based on what was best for the family unit as a whole, rather than you know.
Jade Lomax:Sometimes I think I would love to go back to work and be out of the house and see other adults and dress in nice clothes and yeah, but it just I don't know the times that I have done the house has sort of fallen apart because no one picks up the washing you know that needs doing. There's no one making meals, and then I started to forget things like we'd have appointment, dentist appointments booked or something, and I'd miss them and I'd have a call saying you had an appointment at 9 am this morning. You know things that I just like, I just like I completely forgot about that appointment, or birthdays. I remember forgetting people's birthdays, like families, just because you were so busy, just so busy, and then you think it's such a fleeting time, it goes so quick, so I don't actually want to spend all of my days away from my kids when I know, like my son is 13, I'm already stressing every day that he's going to be moving out soon and he probably won't go till he's 25 or something. It just goes so quick.
Stephanie Theriault:You and I connected through Instagram with a post that you put up talking about how society doesn't give enough emphasis to the woman behind the scenes when a married man is successful in the business. Would you be open to talking about why you chose to put up that post and what the feedback was after the post was made?
Jade Lomax:Yeah, sure, so I um. So in my business I have this mentor and he he was saying your personal story is what makes you different to everyone else. People want to hear your story. And what is your story? And for months and months I had just been like what is my story? Why am I a stay-at-home mom?
Jade Lomax:All the things I kept coming up with just felt boring, and so I was going over and over it for months and then I saw someone else said something similar on Instagram about how men are praised for whatever and no one ever asks about the woman, whatever the post was. And then I was like yeah, that is so true. Because I was like that is my story, Because I had that growing up. I grew up in a family where the men have been praised for everything that they have done and the women have just had to go along with what was best for the males. I didn't notice that until we moved away from living close to both of our families and I started to see how much the men were valued and the women weren't. Then my husband also grew up in a family the same. In the start of our relationship he would make a lot of the decisions and never consult me, and not because he thought I shouldn't have an opinion, but because he'd never seen it in his family. So he'd grown up seeing the men in his family make all the decisions and the wife having no choice. Like once he bought me a car, which just sounds like people's.
Jade Lomax:When I told this story in the beginning like when it was happening, this was probably 10 years ago I remember people just looking at me like I was crazy because they were like bought you a car, why aren't you happy? But he we needed a new car because we were having our second son and we needed a bigger car, and so he wanted to buy a station wagon because it would fit a lot of wine in the back. It made sense, it was practical, blah, blah, blah. And I said I don't like station wagons, I don't really want a station wagon. And there was kind of never a discussion about it because I don't think he had ever seen anyone having a discussion growing up. So it was just sort of he just kept looking for this particular car that he wanted and I just kept saying I don't really like those cars, I don't want to drive that car, I'd prefer to choose something that I like and he ended up going to look at this car with his dad, which kind of made it even worse because his dad just has no respect for women, and so it kind of made it worse that the two of them went together and he ended up buying it and then bringing it home so a car that I had never seen, I never test drove it, I never said I wanted that car, I had voiced that I didn't want that car, and he went and just bought the car anyway and traded in my other cars you know like.
Jade Lomax:And we then had to work on a lot of that through our marriage, where I was like I don't want to be in a relationship where my husband makes the choices for me, and he was kind of like, yeah, right, it had never crossed his mind that I should have an opinion or that I would want an opinion, so anyway. Then when I started looking back, I was like, yeah, that is my story where, like all through my life, I have been silenced because the men in my life are more important, and anyway. So then I I created this post and as I was writing it, I was like feeling like, yeah, this is, this is what has happened all through my life, Cause I felt like I'd finally landed on the piece that my mentor had been saying for months, like what is your story? What is your story? And it said. The post said my husband is praised for all the awards he wins because he does win a lot of awards with his winemaking and no one ever asks what I gave up my career. And no one ever asks what I gave up my career, my super fund, life for my kids, my identity. No one ever asks what the female gives up in order for the male to win these awards, All the months I've spent alone with my kids whilst he's working.
Jade Lomax:And yet the post went viral. There was like 4 million views within 24 hours or something, and there's like 25,000 likes and I couldn't even keep up with the messages in my inbox or the comments on the post. But then there's so many women that were saying my gosh, yes, this is my life and thank you for saying that. And women messaging me saying Jade, I am living in a third world country for my husband's career. Right now, I'm raising two kids on my own in a country I don't speak the language.
Jade Lomax:And yeah, just so many stories but then so much hate from men. I got so much people telling me that I should drive into a tree. Next time you get in your car, make sure you drive into a tree so we don't have to listen to you again. People finding my husband on Instagram and sending him personal messages. People saying do you need a divorce lawyer? I hope your husband leaves you for someone younger and hotter. And like it was so intense. Like people calling me the worst like I don't swear very often, but like words that I would never even use. It was so bad. People saying you are disgusting. You should not be near any male. Yeah, it was. It was pretty intense.
Jade Lomax:And so I ended up deleting the post because it was causing me so much anxiety and also because it's a business page. I was losing all these conversations that I could have been having with women that I could support because I just couldn't find them in all the amongst all these messages. And then also people abusing each other on the post. Yeah, it was really. It was really intense, and I just felt the message got so misconstrued, like I what people were saying. I bet your husband doesn't even know you've posted this and I I wasn't even replying because I thought it takes me 30 seconds to a minute, two minutes, however long it takes to reply, and if I added up that over thousands of messages that I had, that is time that I would have preferred to walk along the beach with my kids, spend time having a coffee with my husband, Like there are so many more important things in my life than replying to messages from these people who don't know me and who just misconstrued what I was trying to say.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, it was intense, it was very intense, but at the same time, I'm like there's obviously women out there who feel the same as me, who they're the ones that I want to support and help and get the message through to that it doesn't have to look like that and also, your relationship doesn't have to end up in divorce. I could have gone down that path for sure with my husband if he had not realized that my opinion was valuable and that my dream should be considered as well. But thank goodness he was open enough to just be like yeah, right, we didn't know you needed to have a voice in our marriage. It was baffling to me, but yeah, and I just want other people to realize that as well. I think that it doesn't all have to end in divorce. It's not like attacking. We don't all have to attack each other. Yeah, so that post.
Stephanie Theriault:I want to ask you on your Instagram page you have out then I'll look for something for myself.
Jade Lomax:And even for their marriage as well. I don't want couples to be waiting until they're 60, 65, 70 to think that is when we're meant to spend time together. Yeah, I just want families to be brought back together now and I want parents to spend time with their kids now, whilst they're young, and I want husbands and wives to enjoy their marriages now and not think it's all meant to be at a later date. And also, last year I had a close friend of mine die and her husband is just now left with three babies. It just makes me so sad that, like that could happen to any of us and that could happen to my family, and I just want to spend as much time with my husband and kids as I can because we just you don't know, you don't know when these things will happen, so I don't want people to wait to start living.
Stephanie Theriault:Your message resonates across the globe. Listening to your story, listening to how women have reached out to you, not even thinking about the negative, you did hit a nerve, but it's because you're speaking the truth. It's fascinating to me that you are able to speak a truth and have it resonate with women all across the globe, because there is interconnectedness in being a woman and being a mother, and so many times the focus is on what separates us and how we're different. And when it comes down to it, what you speak of motherhood, marriage, being a wife, careers, decisions we have to make life and death it's all connected. It's really beautiful what you're doing, and I think that's why so many people resonate with your message.
Jade Lomax:Thank you, but yeah, it is just so amazing All the messages I get, like you say, from all around the world and we're all just the same, doing the same thing and wanting the same thing. Yeah, and that's the amazing thing about social media now we can connect with like-minded people from anywhere. Amazing what the internet has opened up, actually.
Stephanie Theriault:Jade, it has been such a pleasure chatting with you today. I want to thank you for being open and vulnerable and sharing your story with us. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule. I know you're with your three sons and your work and motherhood and life, so I really do appreciate you taking the time and trusting me to sit down and have a conversation.
Jade Lomax:Yeah, thank you, stephanie. Thank you for asking me. Thank you so much for reaching out and inviting me on. It's been great to talk to you, it's been a pleasure. Thank you.
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